First trip alone...

Yesterday was my first trip to the Chemo suites alone as it was time for the first of my 'every 3 week' Herceptin treatment. Aside from not bleeding like I should, according to the nurses, it went fine. I brought my book and it went fairly quickly in comparison to all of the other times I had been there. I was only there for less than an hour and a half but that was because they gave me about 40 minutes worth of Herceptin. When I come back, apparently I will get 30 minutes worth.

I had an audition last night as well; was one of many sopranos (and mezzos) auditioning for a lead role in a musical. The thing is, I noticed that I was putting a lot on this (and some previous) auditions. Now, I learned long ago to go in, do my thing, and deal with the results, whether they be good or bad, but I think my faith and self-esteem has been shaken lately. One is most definitely the physical aspect of all that's been going on the last 4 months. Another is, I think I want to be sure that I can still do this...that all of this crap hasn't affected my singing and my performing. The third is basically me not understanding why some people are consistently cast when their singing is inconsistent and inaccurate. However, I'm trying to work through that last one because I cannot control how people cast and I really shouldn't complain as I've had a pretty spectacular singing year thus far in at least two 'Bread and Butter' roles that I hope to be singing for years to come.

One of my coaches recommended that I save up to do the NYIOPs (Big, expensive, House auditions) in the Fall. I may try and do that...while I'm not entirely sure I like the reality of them (they remind me of the New England Theatre Conference auditions I did once...didn't get a single callback), the idea of them is good and maybe something will come out of it. It's a chance to sing for different people, which is a good thing, and it's a chance to sing in front of people who don't give a damn that I'm over 30.

But I'm also beginning to wonder what to do about presenting myself in auditions for the next year or so until my hair grows back out...or what if I decide to keep it short? I'll then need new headshots...another expense I didn't really need. I don't know if I'm going to want to keep my hair short or what yet as I'm still waiting for signs that it's going to start growing back! I know that it takes time, but now that the chemotherapy is done, I want my life back (and that includes my hair!)