It's times like these that I get scared.

I met a woman the other day who is getting radiation around the same time that I am. She has very little hair, so I assumed that she was in for much the same thing. However, after we introduced ourselves, I found out that she would be done next week. Finally, today, she told me a bit of her story and frankly, it has me a little scared:

11 years ago (this woman may be in her 40's-early 50's, I would think? Maybe a little younger? I'm so bad with age) she was diagnosed with ER+ Breast cancer. Aggressive chemo and such were done and she was in remission for almost 5 years until she got ovarian cancer. She was tested and did not have the BRAC2 or BRAC3 gene and it ran more on her father's side of the family than on her mother's. I believe she said she had a hysterectomy. Then, last June, they were doing routine blood work only to find that she had no platelets. She came back in and they found more breast cancer, this time Her2+ (like mine). They stuck her on Herceptin which apparently worked beautifully for the tumor in what was left of her breast (or maybe she had the mastectomy after that?) but she is now doing radiation because of a tumor in her brain! Herceptin doesn't reach the brain!

This is a very lovely woman and I really hope that she makes it through all of this. But it has me kind of scared again. I don't want a tumor in my brain! How do they find out these things? I have a few questions to ask Beth (the Social Worker) about what happens once Radiation is done so I think I'll have to ask her this too.

Scary. Very scary. I want to get something for this woman for her last day of treatment (which is next week).

ETA: We are now 7 days/treatments (business days) from being done with Radiation! The last one is scheduled for July 12th. Today, they went from zapping the entire breast to zapping only the area where the scar (and bruising underneath) is, which seems like it's a huge chunk, but apparently it's rather small compared to others. Yikes! So far so good...aside from a little bit of shrinkage and a lot of tanning.

Show count since Diagnosis...

...and since I started treatment.

February 2010 -- Fiordiligi in Cosi fan tutte
April/May 2010 -- Ensemble in The Scarlet Pimpernel
May 2010 -- Voice of Dance Concert
June 2010 -- Woglinde/Wood Bird/Gutrune in Tales from Der Ring des Nibelungen
June 2010 -- Donna Anna in Don Giovanni

Ok, so it hasn't been as long as I thought since I posted...

...so, good! It's not every day or so like before, but this is a far less changeable time with how I'm feeling. There seem to be less physical issues now but a few have still lingered.

For example, on Sunday, Ed and I walked around Boston and went to the SOWA Market (South End Open Markets...if you haven't been, GO!!). First, we went to Flour bakery, which, wow...so good! (I did get a sticky sticky bun which I ate the next day. Sinful.) We then went to the market area which was a walk and a T-ride away. About half-way through the market, I began feeling kind of light-headed. It was hot and even though I had been drinking water, I really began to feel it. We made our way to the Farmer's Market on the other side where we got the biggest cups of Limeade EVER and sat, in the shade, for a bit. The limeade helped a lot -- maybe it was the citrus or the sugar or just more hydration, but I felt like I could continue after a bit.

The thing is, I sort of felt that again yesterday when I was stuck in traffic. It was hot, I had water, but I was afraid that I might pass out. When we finally started moving I felt better, but I was concerned for a bit. I wonder what that was? I wonder if that's part of the Herceptin stuff? Or just still my energy levels getting back to normal? Or maybe it's just hot and stuffy and it sucks?

Radiation is over half-way done! I have another 11 sessions before I am DONE!! So far, so good *knock wood*. I've been feeling a lot more like 'myself' of late, which is really, really good. My hair is growing back although I really want it to be longer right now so that I still don't look so bald. My eyebrows are growing back and need to start getting some shaping done to them.

I could probably think about more to type, but I'll leave it at this for now. :)

Nearing the Natalie Portman/Sinead O'Connor hair-length..

...if it can be called that. It's not enough for me to go without a head covering yet, but it's getting there. My eyebrows are definitely coming in and they will need to be waxed and shaped fairly soonish. My eyelashes are also coming in even though I'm told that they may fall out again. Grr.

Hot flashes are still present...kind of sucks. I'm ready for those to end!

That's the update :).

Probably shouldn't have Googled myself.

I found a review of 'Cosi' that I didn't know was floating about there. The reviewer not only completely hated my makeup (saying I had the pallor of a cadaver), but they also said that my voice was shrill.

Gee, thanks a lot. I am so tempted to email the reviewer and say 'Ok, yeah. I was pale because I WAS GOING TO THROUGH FREAKING CHEMOTHERAPY!!!'

Shrill? SHRILL?!?!?!? Ok, maybe they came on an off night...I did have a couple of issues in two of the performances, but shrill? The MD would have told me if I was shrill, I would think.

Maybe this person just doesn't really like higher soprano voices? I try to be very aware of if my voice comes across as shrill or screamy -- in fact, I've sought reassurance and assistance from my 'team' whenever I've been concerned about it.

That just pisses me off. It would have been nice to have had a good review floating about of that. I felt I sang well the opening and closing night...the middle two had some issues.

I know it's just one person's opinion, but ugh.

Houston...we have peach fuzz!

There is definitely 'peach fuzz' on my head now. I can even see it sticking up a little from my scalp if I look close enough. Huzzah! I also have '5 o'clock' shadow on my eyebrows, showing just how much eyebrow I actually lost! I am also, if I look closely, seeing the beginnings of more eyelashes, so yay! There is hope!

I took my wig to the salon on Saturday and they put a gloss on it to refresh the color and then washed it (and showed me how they washed it to keep the curl in). I was missing only one step!! Both Pat and Ed (who was hanging out with me) said that they could see that my hair was starting to come back in. It's like Sarah said, I guess, that it's almost like it's growing in overnight!

Things are going well so far...on Friday, I will be half-way done with Radiation (mostly. Or maybe it's Monday?). Energy-wise, I do feel much more myself and I seem to be doing ok on the vocal stamina front. Now, if I can just clean my apartment (I worked on it some last night) and go to bed at a decent hour, things should be much better!

6 months from Diagnosis...

Today was 6 months from my diagnosis and I sang a freaking WAGNER concert tonight!!! I have to admit, I'm very pleased. I saw Sarah today (it was her last day of Radiation...go Sarah!!) and she had hair! So, in a month from now, if she is any indication, I'll have hair too!

I got an echocardiogram today to check on how my heart was doing on Herceptin. The technician said it looked good and like last time (which also got a thumbs-up)...so let's hope it stays that way!

I'm also thinking about getting one of theseshirts.

6 month check-in.

It is six months ago from today that I had my first Ultrasound and Mammogram and the whole snowball began avalanching...or something like that.

I got there at 8am in the hopes that I could be seen earlier (as my appointment was scheduled originally at 1pm). I didn't get out until 10:30am, but that was after the mammogram on the right breast and my usual, daily dose of radiation.

The doctor took me into an ultrasound room to talk to me once they read the mammogram. He said that he didn't want to talk in the hallway where everyone could here. He then went on to say that the calcifications that were there before had remained unchanged...they were still there, but they hadn't changed in the last 6 months and some, of course, were gone with the lumpectomy. He gave me a sheet of paper that said it was 'Probably benign' (he did say that they were pretty certain that it was benign) and that they will look at it again in 6 months.

Hooray! So much better than the 'Abnormal' I got last time!