I'm all faklempt!

So, first of all, it was so amazing to see so many of my friends out at Firefly's on Sunday. It meant so much to have everyone there and to know that we were all celebrating the end of this. I did tear up a few times and I had a lovely evening. I hope everyone did too! For those of you who couldn't make it, I know that you were definitely there in spirit! We had 31 adults and 4 kids -- and we had an entire section of the restaurant! Our server was fantastic and the food was very yummy!

I debuted my new super-short 'do that night and it seemed to go over well. The next day though, I got greeted by, 'Hi there, Butch!' at a rehearsal (from someone who didn't know) but knowing the guy I knew he had a strange sense of humor and I just brushed it aside. After all, I was wearing very girly clothes and knew that I was nowhere near being 'butch'. I did have more people (mostly women) coming up to me saying that they thought it was fantastic. I got asked 'why the change?' and didn't feel like lying, so I told them what had gone on in the previous months. They were all amazingly supportive.

The next night, at the concert, I had more questions of 'Why did you cut off your luscious, curly hair??' from fellow singers and I told them why. They then insisted that the hair looked great -- in fact, the same guy who called me 'Butch' said that it was 'really very sexy'. So I'm both Butch AND Sexy! I had a few other singers saying 'I heard indirectly about what you were going through' (from whom???) and 'I'm so glad you're doing well...you look/sound great' which was odd, but I guess that news will spread no matter what we do. I just didn't want to make a Facebook announcement or anything like that.

On Wednesday at the knitting group, one of the 'regulars' brought a friend who seemed very nice and friendly. Another regular, as I was leaving, commented on my hair, saying that she 'loved it' and the newcomer said 'I do too! It's so edgy! I want to cut my hair that short...is your work ok with it?' and I simply said 'They have no choice,' and told her why it was so short. We then got into a brief discussion about how and why our hair texture can change and I said mine is too short to tell, but I'm really hoping for more curls.

I haven't had any auditions yet, but I found it rather interesting that all of the auditions I did with my wig did not result in a casting. Coincidence? Possibly. A few of those were longshots, but still. Very interesting.


Edited to add pictures!!!

Warning: Girly stuff below!

I AM NOT MENOPAUSAL!!!

I was feeling a little crampy and lo and behold...my period began! The first since the beginning of February!

I have never been so happy to get my period.

DONE!!!

No more Radiation for me!!! I have not yet exhibited any superpowers, which is rather sad considering all the radiation I have been blasted with in the last 2 months.

Now I just have the herceptin infusions ever 3 weeks, which are annoying, but tolerable since it's only once or twice a month.

I was given a book recommendation to read (they give it to all of them) but I don't really know that I'm going to get a feeling of being 'let down' now that all of this crap is over. It's not like it's been the only thing going on in my life -- not by a longshot! I'm really glad that I don't need to deal with it anymore and can really turn my attention on to other things...which doesn't sound like a let-down to me! More like a return to normalcy!!

Only two more Radiation Treatments!

And then I'm done!! Hooooorrraaayyy!!!

There is going to be a celebratory party at Firefly's in Framingham (235 Old Connecticut Path, Framingham, MA) at 6pm on Sunday, July 18th. If I haven't already tagged you on Facebook, consider yourself invited (only please RSVP so I can make reservations).

The issue with the voice recorder may have been worked out. I had some people listen to it and they thought that the recording was TOO CLOSE!! So the documentation for it LIED!!! I recorded Tuesday's Longwood Concert from the balcony and I like it so much better! I don't even need to add in reverb. So that's a relief!

I had my last appointment with my Radiation Oncologist (until June 2011) on Wednesday and we were talking about what will happen next and all sorts of things. She looked through my notes and said (I'm paraphrasing some of this):

'We don't like to use the term 'cured' because, well, we never know what might happen down the road. But you should consider yourself cured.'

I think I almost lost it right then and there! I did call my mom, dad, and sisters, so I think there's going to be a lot of celebrating going on.

I still have to decide (fairly soonish) where I want to go on a Dad-sponsored vacation with him and my sisters. One sister wants the beach/someplace warm. The other sister wants snow-activites, but not in a place we've been before. I don't really know what I want! I'd love to go skiing because I don't often get to go, but the idea of going someplace warmer in January/February is also very appealing. So many choices!

In a bad mood.

Part of the reason for this is that I am exhausted.

Another part is that it's really, REALLY hot out and I have no AC.

Yet another is that I am sitting at the Reception desk at work when I have work that I need to get done.

Probably the main reason right now though, is the fact that I'm being very vain...when I know that I shouldn't be. Yet, I am.

I'm doing summer concerts all summer...sometimes two in one week. Many of the locations do not have AC. This means that it's really very hot and stuffy. It also means that wearing my wig makes me even hotter.

Sure, I could go out without my wig. The hair isn't very long yet, but it covers my scalp. However, it doesn't look like a haircut. It LOOKS like I lost my hair and I don't like it.

I'm one week from being done with Radiation, but I don't seem to have enough hair for me to want to go out without some sort of head-covering. Why? I guess I don't want the stares. I guess I'm feeling self-conscious about it. I AM A STRONG WOMAN, DAMMIT!!! I shouldn't have to be shrinking back and nervous about vanity, yet I am.

I have a date this weekend...unless this one cancels on me too. It's supposed to be hot. It means that I either have to wear the wig and be extra hot or explain to him before we even meet face-to-face for the first time that 'By the way, I have short hair now. Really Short. I bet it's shorter than your's'.

It doesn't make me feel pretty. I know that the only person I need to feel pretty for is myself, but when one is single and hopeful, it's really hard to stay firm with that. If I already had a significant other who I knew wouldn't run at the sight of me, I'd probably feel different. But being single and sort of looking...and being a soprano trying to expand her career, the fact that I'm afraid of what people are going to think of my LOOKS is a real consideration. As it is, I feel weird sending out my headshot to places because I know my hair won't get back to that length for a couple of years. I'm afraid that when I walk out onto that stage for the first time this summer without my wig, there will be points and stares and whispers; that when I walk out for an audition without my wig, they'll whisper about my looks and not even listen to my voice or consider my acting...and then they'll not even consider me because my headshot is not an 'accurate representation'.

I didn't want to get interim headshots...I can't even do that for another few months when the hair is in more.

I hate feeling this vain and concerned about what other people think. I should be stronger than that, but it's been frustrating the hell out of me.

Edited to Add: Another reason why I'm in a bad mood -- the brand new voice recorder I got works great! However, the voice that comes out of it is not a voice that I like. I've tried it up close, I've tried it further back. The voice just doesn't sound pretty to me. It sounds...cool. Not at all warm. Not at all beautiful. Maybe I need to just deal and come to terms with the fact that I don't have a beautiful voice. The problem then comes in that people don't hire 'interesting' or 'cool' voices. They hire 'beautiful' and 'luscious' voices.