...and I don't know if anyone is still reading. Sometimes, though, I want to say things that I don't want to share with the 500+ 'friends' on Facebook or the few who really never comment on LiveJournal. It's still related to this journey so I think it's only fitting to post it here.
I never found a therapist. I tried calling about 4 different ones and none were really willing to help me. While one blatantly told me 'It's normal and it'll go away', it still wasn't helping me. When things are chemically wonky in the brain and I'm going through a form of PTSD, telling me 'It's all ok' really doesn't do much. The good thing is, eventually, a lot of it -did- go away. I'm far less anxious and feel much more even now.
I only need mammograms every year now. I will still be checking in with various doctors every 3 months and getting blood tests for markers every 6 months, but it's a good thing.
The weird thing, though, is that every twinge or ache or bout of heartburn or stomach upset or headache or, really, anything has me jumping to 'What if it's back?' I know that's 'normal' too, but I don't like it. I have trouble getting to sleep at night and then trouble waking up in the morning. It's getting better if I go to bed before midnight and read a little, but it's still not easy. Then I get anxious over the cats...I guess this is why I'm writing all of this here. It's in place of the therapy I'm not able to find.
I have doctor appointments in March and I will be telling them that I worry about every twinge and ache and that I have a hard time both getting to sleep and waking up. We'll see what they say about that.
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