Rough weekend...

So, I had a bit of a rough weekend...there were some very nice parts of it, but also some really difficult parts.

On Saturday I took the cats to the vet for their annual checkup and so that the vet could meet Chachi. Chachi was very obedient and good and calm until they got to clipping his claws and then they brought in a vet tech to help hold him. He has ear gook so now I have to give him ear drops and clean out his ears twice a day, ick. Jack, on the other hand, was growling and hissing the entire time and the vet and vet tech had to don welding gloves and get a towel in order to get his vaccines and clip his claws -- the vet didn't really even get a chance to weigh him or look at his teeth :(. We weighed him in the carrier and he was about 15 lbs in that...and I looked up and saw that the carrier weighed 3 lbs so he lost a little weight. He was chubby so he needed to lose a little. I felt so bad, but was assured that he wasn't the worst they had seen nor was he the worst that they would see that day. It is yet another reason why I am taking them to a cat-only vet!

Saturday afternoon, Ed and I went to the Gore Place Sheepshearing festival where I helped out with a Local Yarn Store's booth and walked around. I ended up buying some fudge and some more yarn...shame on me, I know, but it's for a specific project, I swear!! I even have the buttons for it!

Sunday was really the tough day. I woke up and read an email from a local voice teacher I had contacted about a consultation. She emailed that she was very sorry, but her private studio was so full that she couldn't even squeeze in a consultation. Couple that with the fact that my current teacher has decided not to continue teaching in Boston, I was feeling kind of screwed. Later that day, I was going into Boston to a concert and figured I'd get there early, park, and go into the Conservatory to practice. I should have checked in advance to see if there was a Red Sox game...and there was. That meant no parking. Of course, in my already screwed up thoughts, it was just the straw breaking the camel's back -- I couldn't find a voice teacher and I couldn't even practice. Was this the universe telling me to give up singing? If I didn't have that, what good would I be? I think it was the most depressed and hopeless I've felt in a very, very long time if ever. I could almost understand how people could have suicidal thoughts. Again, I know it's part of the PTSD going on, but I can't even find a therapist who is able to meet with me!

I mean, really...what is Fate trying to do here? Am I not messed up enough?

I made it to the concert and put on a brave face and enjoyed myself. Going back home was hard but I had TV shows to distract me until it was time to go to bed. I did get to practice yesterday and I did feel better after that, but it's still not easy. I know that there's a way to get these Thought Vampires out of my head or at least mute them, but I can't do it myself and I can't find someone to talk to about it. I feel very stymied by things out of my control and I don't know how I can take control back.