Another long-hair dream last night.

My hair was long and straight, but I didn't care because it was SUDDENLY LONG!

Again, I woke up disappointed because my hair was still short.

I've also been staring at this Therapist phone number for a couple of weeks now. So, I called the therapist that was recommended to me and after 2 days of telephone tag, we got a hold of one another and she said 'Oh, I don't have evening hours for you and I don't take your insurance. By the way, what you're feeling is normal'.

Uhm.

Gee.

Yes, I know it's normal after what I've gone through. IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO DEAL WITH!!! Intellectually, I know it's normal. Intellectually, I know that it's something that needs to be fixed. Intellectually, I know how silly it is to be feeling all of this because it's just not true. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. Isn't it the therapist's job to help with the whole Emotional part?

So I've tried calling one person she recommended and the phone goes dead every time I call. That does not bode well. Naturally, I'm hesitating calling a third. What if she's a jerk too? I don't want to give my money to a jerk! I don't want to be spilling my guts with my silly insecurities and frustrations to a jerk!

I don't know if I should just start calling down the Insurance company's list of mental health providers or what. But then it's the whole 'This person is a total stranger' thing, but I guess it has to start somewhere, right?

Some days I think it's ok but then I completely sabotage myself. So, I don't know. I really don't.