I have the port. I already had one treatment. I guess it just doesn't really seem to be REAL yet because thus far, all of the side-effects have been internal. I'm really getting more and more nervous about the whole 'losing my hair' aspect of this which will probably be starting within the next week or so. I think I'm also getting more and more anxious for this second treatment. I really hope that it won't be any worse than the first...in fact, I hope that it's better because I know more what to do now.
Today was a nice day...and I admit, I did partake in some retail therapy. I got some delicious cranberry orange bread and then went to a cupcake unveiling in Davis Square for a friend of mine who won a cupcake contest...they weren't too bad! I think I wanted more Nutella flavor in them though. In the shop where the unveiling was held, I actually found a stuffed aardvark toy so it HAD to come home with me!
(For those of you who do not know, I collect aardvarks. I have...4 stuffed aardvarks now, a few pieces of aardvark jewelry, but I'm always on the lookout for anything aardvark...that is not 'Arthur the Aardvark'.)
I then went to my voice lesson where I told the teacher what was going on. He said that he loved how I wasn't letting it get me down and that I sounded (vocally) fantastic. He gave me a really cool exercise which I will be implementing in my daily warmups -- it sort of seems to balance everything out, which is helpful. We sang through a little bit of Fiordiligi and then sang through 'Or sai chi l'onore' which I brought in to work on. It's still not quite right, but it was better this time. After that, I decided I wanted to go to the Mall -- the girl who was at the desk of the music center had on some great, cigarette-tight jeans and I asked where she got them and she told me 'H & M' so I decided I needed to find them and try them on.
Not only did I get the jeans, but I got a turtleneck (in a pretty, charcoal grey), a black sweater, a pair of black tweedy houndstooth pants, and a black fedora.
I finished the hat for Judy, started blocking one of the hat pieces for the next one for me...and started a test knit for Mary's sweater! So excited! It does mean, however, that I have no real portable projects now! The hat piece might be dry tomorrow so I might be able to work more on that if I go to the gaming night (if we have it). Otherwise, I either need to make some more hats or be prepared to bring the sweater with me.
I moved my dragons (I have 7 Zugglesnooks dragons, five of whom were in my room) into the entertainment unit in the living room and put a few of my nicer knitting and art books in the case as well. I still have an empty cubby, but I might bring some pieces from my too-high 'nice stuff' cabinet in my room to live there.
So, either the Prevacid is working or today was a good 'coughing' day...I still coughed some, but not as much as I had been. Tomorrow I'm seeing the ENT so I'll ask him what I can do to deal with this more aggressively right now. Also, in the morning, I'm going to a 'Look Good, Feel Better' session at the hospital. A stylist comes in and talks to people about how to look good despite going through the chemo and wearing wigs/scarves/etc. I was told to bring in my big, bushy, theatre wig and maybe the stylist can help me tame it. I'm sure I'll write more/post pictures tomorrow or so.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Countdown to Chemo #2
That will be next Wednesday and Angeliki and maybe Rebecca will be joining me. I will be teaching them to knit hats...at least, that's the plan! I need to make sure that I have stuff for the next few days, but I have the anti-nausea pills, broth from the first time, saltines, and a couple of bottles of Izze's Ginger Ale (I think) so I might be ok. I'm hoping that if anything, it will be a repeat of the last time without dealing with the surgery and having to go back to the hospital again that Friday. I'm not looking forward to the ache from the Nulasta shot, but I do have it to give to myself (or for Beth to help give it to me the next day!).
I know not to do too much on the Saturday after -- I'm meeting someone for some light yarn shopping and then I have rehearsal, but that's it! No trek to IKEA and no quest for furniture all over Boston! I will also have rehearsal on Sunday, but if I'm feeling shaky, people from the cast have agreed to drive me to and from and worse comes to worse, I sit and sing. I'm hoping that if I take it much easier on Saturday, I won't have that Sunday shakiness. I guess my hair should start falling out in the next week or so...I'm not really looking forward to that.
Today was rehearsal, some shopping, and then dinner with Dan and Terri. I had a lovely time! I did decide to come home and just relax as, well, I'm kind of tired! I do get to sleep in some more tomorrow before making a quick run to KickAss Cupcakes for a cupcake unveiling and then a voice lesson.
I'm hoping that this Wednesday is a bit easier -- again, no port insertion (it's feeling better *knock wood* by the way) and I should have more time at home to rest before going to rehearsal. I still have memorization to do, but I worked on it some more today and will also sit with score in hand tomorrow (Sunday) for a bit. At least, that's the plan.
I picked up Maggie's box today -- they put the ashes in a lovely, sealed, wood box with a plaque. She's now on the shelf next to Beau. Jack spent a good deal of the evening on my lap (!!!) and is currently sitting next to me on the sofa. Sad kitty :(.
That's pretty much all in my stream of consciousness right now. I decided to finally start knitting a hat for a friend's mom who has been battling this for a few years now...I finished a hat for myself last night and thought it was so cute and such a quick knit, she needed one too.
I know not to do too much on the Saturday after -- I'm meeting someone for some light yarn shopping and then I have rehearsal, but that's it! No trek to IKEA and no quest for furniture all over Boston! I will also have rehearsal on Sunday, but if I'm feeling shaky, people from the cast have agreed to drive me to and from and worse comes to worse, I sit and sing. I'm hoping that if I take it much easier on Saturday, I won't have that Sunday shakiness. I guess my hair should start falling out in the next week or so...I'm not really looking forward to that.
Today was rehearsal, some shopping, and then dinner with Dan and Terri. I had a lovely time! I did decide to come home and just relax as, well, I'm kind of tired! I do get to sleep in some more tomorrow before making a quick run to KickAss Cupcakes for a cupcake unveiling and then a voice lesson.
I'm hoping that this Wednesday is a bit easier -- again, no port insertion (it's feeling better *knock wood* by the way) and I should have more time at home to rest before going to rehearsal. I still have memorization to do, but I worked on it some more today and will also sit with score in hand tomorrow (Sunday) for a bit. At least, that's the plan.
I picked up Maggie's box today -- they put the ashes in a lovely, sealed, wood box with a plaque. She's now on the shelf next to Beau. Jack spent a good deal of the evening on my lap (!!!) and is currently sitting next to me on the sofa. Sad kitty :(.
That's pretty much all in my stream of consciousness right now. I decided to finally start knitting a hat for a friend's mom who has been battling this for a few years now...I finished a hat for myself last night and thought it was so cute and such a quick knit, she needed one too.
Friday, January 29, 2010
I don't know if the convenience is worth it...
The port still hurts.
Ok, yesterday it was still hurting. Today it's a little better -- still tender, and still very ugly, I went out and bought some turtle-necky tops and such so that one can't see it! It's going to suck in the summer...and with the shows that I'm doing, I'll have to cover it with a band-aid or something. Granted, it's still bruised, which is also pissing me off but I know that I won't be healing as fast as I did before...at least not for a while. I also have to remind myself that it was SURGERY and it was just LAST WEEK! It's just really frustrating because it still feels really tight and whenever the slightest whisper of pressure is placed on the port, I feel it and it's really uncomfortable.
I still have the cough, which is bugging me to no end. I called the ENT and called the oncologist -- the latter said it was ok for me to get an inhaler to get rid of this, if it is indeed the 'Reactive Airways Syndrome' acting up again, which it does feel like. Unfortunately though, the ENT can't see me until Monday afternoon. At least I can get in a couple of puffs before chemo again next week! Hopefully, that's all it will take! I will also ask the ENT about taking anything more for the reflux since the chemo is exacerbating it. I've been taking Zantac for the last few days and it's helped, but he might have other ideas.
I found a masseuse that might have some time...although the dates she mentioned next week wouldn't work. The price seemed comparable and she was recommended by the social worker at the hospital, so I'm game!
Life without Maggie is different -- I can't tell yet if Jack likes being the only cat or not. I don't know if even he knows yet. When I'm home, he cries a lot but he also crawled in my lap three times last night. I think he was also in bed with me for most of the night, granted, it was very cold!
I did get together the stuff I wanted so I could make Maggie's Memorial Shadow Box. The vet had this and I thought it was a really lovely thing! It's a shadowbox frame...divided for two slots, and in one is a picture of the cat, and in the other was the cat's collar. Since Maggie had a lovely collar, I thought it would be a great thing to do! I tried finding what I wanted at Target and The Christmas Tree Shop, but ended up finding the right frame at AC Moore. I bought it, bought some mattes since my photo was a little smaller, bought some velvet and some quilting pins and took off to go home. It took a little bit to get it together the way I wanted, but once it was, oh, it's PERFECT! I got a picture of her that, while it's not the best quality up close, when you look at it from just a foot or two away, it's just fine -- it just has the perfect look and it looks so lovely! I'm really very pleased with it! I'm going to try and put one together for Beau as well if I can find a picture that works. I may even still have his food dish which I would use since he didn't have a collar.
I did realize that since I'm going about with the short hair, when I put the wig on, people are going to question. I guess it won't be too much of a secret then. Oh well. I already told a couple of other people who I don't mind knowing, but I'm sure it'll get around work before too long. A lot of people seem to think that I should consider this as a permanent look. I'll have to see how I feel in a few months :).
ETA: Good news! The genetic test results are in -- it's all negative!! It doesn't explain why I'm going through what I am, but it means that I don't have the genetic mutation that could indicate a greater chance of recurrence of this, or the occurance of ovarian cancer. So this is a good thing!
Ok, yesterday it was still hurting. Today it's a little better -- still tender, and still very ugly, I went out and bought some turtle-necky tops and such so that one can't see it! It's going to suck in the summer...and with the shows that I'm doing, I'll have to cover it with a band-aid or something. Granted, it's still bruised, which is also pissing me off but I know that I won't be healing as fast as I did before...at least not for a while. I also have to remind myself that it was SURGERY and it was just LAST WEEK! It's just really frustrating because it still feels really tight and whenever the slightest whisper of pressure is placed on the port, I feel it and it's really uncomfortable.
I still have the cough, which is bugging me to no end. I called the ENT and called the oncologist -- the latter said it was ok for me to get an inhaler to get rid of this, if it is indeed the 'Reactive Airways Syndrome' acting up again, which it does feel like. Unfortunately though, the ENT can't see me until Monday afternoon. At least I can get in a couple of puffs before chemo again next week! Hopefully, that's all it will take! I will also ask the ENT about taking anything more for the reflux since the chemo is exacerbating it. I've been taking Zantac for the last few days and it's helped, but he might have other ideas.
I found a masseuse that might have some time...although the dates she mentioned next week wouldn't work. The price seemed comparable and she was recommended by the social worker at the hospital, so I'm game!
Life without Maggie is different -- I can't tell yet if Jack likes being the only cat or not. I don't know if even he knows yet. When I'm home, he cries a lot but he also crawled in my lap three times last night. I think he was also in bed with me for most of the night, granted, it was very cold!
I did get together the stuff I wanted so I could make Maggie's Memorial Shadow Box. The vet had this and I thought it was a really lovely thing! It's a shadowbox frame...divided for two slots, and in one is a picture of the cat, and in the other was the cat's collar. Since Maggie had a lovely collar, I thought it would be a great thing to do! I tried finding what I wanted at Target and The Christmas Tree Shop, but ended up finding the right frame at AC Moore. I bought it, bought some mattes since my photo was a little smaller, bought some velvet and some quilting pins and took off to go home. It took a little bit to get it together the way I wanted, but once it was, oh, it's PERFECT! I got a picture of her that, while it's not the best quality up close, when you look at it from just a foot or two away, it's just fine -- it just has the perfect look and it looks so lovely! I'm really very pleased with it! I'm going to try and put one together for Beau as well if I can find a picture that works. I may even still have his food dish which I would use since he didn't have a collar.
I did realize that since I'm going about with the short hair, when I put the wig on, people are going to question. I guess it won't be too much of a secret then. Oh well. I already told a couple of other people who I don't mind knowing, but I'm sure it'll get around work before too long. A lot of people seem to think that I should consider this as a permanent look. I'll have to see how I feel in a few months :).
ETA: Good news! The genetic test results are in -- it's all negative!! It doesn't explain why I'm going through what I am, but it means that I don't have the genetic mutation that could indicate a greater chance of recurrence of this, or the occurance of ovarian cancer. So this is a good thing!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
This post is in memory of Maggie...
...who gave me 12 1/2 wonderful years. She really was one of the sweetest, most gentle cats in the world and while I wish I had more time to spend with her, I know that she's happy and healthy once again and playing with her brother, Beau, in Kitty Heaven.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Hooray for homeopathy!
So, I've been having post-nasal drip and a sore throat for a couple of days now so I called the oncologist to ask what I could take for it. Usually, I would go all homeopathic, but she told me not to...so I have no idea what I should be doing instead!
The receptionist paged my doctor and the doc said that since all of the stuff should be out of my system by now, I can take the homeopathic remedies!
Honey Loquat Syrup, here I come!!
I still think that it's from an allergic reaction, but yay! At least I can take stuff I know now!
I'm still feeling a little winded, which is a very odd sensation. I'm hoping that when the stitches come out of my neck tomorrow, I'll feel less tension there because it's not helping in getting good, deep breaths.
On a different note, I did find pictures of some of the stuff I bought at IKEA -- I still need to get a pic of the entertainment unit, but I can do that at home. Everything else is covered by a blanket, but here are some of the pieces:
Side table #1
Side table #2
Side table #3
Sofa!
Chair
The receptionist paged my doctor and the doc said that since all of the stuff should be out of my system by now, I can take the homeopathic remedies!
Honey Loquat Syrup, here I come!!
I still think that it's from an allergic reaction, but yay! At least I can take stuff I know now!
I'm still feeling a little winded, which is a very odd sensation. I'm hoping that when the stitches come out of my neck tomorrow, I'll feel less tension there because it's not helping in getting good, deep breaths.
On a different note, I did find pictures of some of the stuff I bought at IKEA -- I still need to get a pic of the entertainment unit, but I can do that at home. Everything else is covered by a blanket, but here are some of the pieces:
Side table #1
Side table #2
Side table #3
Sofa!
Chair
Monday, January 25, 2010
The 'How I feel' progression so far:
Day of Chemo: Hard to say this first time since I had the surgery. However, very tired by the end of the day.
Day 2: Not too bad.
Day 3: Nauseous in the morning, by late afternoon/evening, ok
Day 4: Pretty fine
Day 5: Exhausted, lightheaded, and shaky
Day 6: Hard to tell thus far as I'm still very tired from being up early. Also, I feel like my breath is very high -- this is in part, I think, to the dust kicked up yesterday as well as the massive amount of tension I have in both shoulders.
(ETA: Oooh...found a local massage place that has oncology massages! I may need to schedule one since I think the tension in my shoulders isn't helping my posture any...which isn't helping my breath any.)
More ETA: Phew! Came home and took about a 4 hour nap or so. I ate dinner of some chicken fingers and then took out all the trash/recycling from yesterday. I'm kind of wiped and I don't like that feeling! Keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow will be better! It doesn't help that my throat is a little raw and I seem to have a slight cough (I think from the dust. At least, I hope!).
Day 2: Not too bad.
Day 3: Nauseous in the morning, by late afternoon/evening, ok
Day 4: Pretty fine
Day 5: Exhausted, lightheaded, and shaky
Day 6: Hard to tell thus far as I'm still very tired from being up early. Also, I feel like my breath is very high -- this is in part, I think, to the dust kicked up yesterday as well as the massive amount of tension I have in both shoulders.
(ETA: Oooh...found a local massage place that has oncology massages! I may need to schedule one since I think the tension in my shoulders isn't helping my posture any...which isn't helping my breath any.)
More ETA: Phew! Came home and took about a 4 hour nap or so. I ate dinner of some chicken fingers and then took out all the trash/recycling from yesterday. I'm kind of wiped and I don't like that feeling! Keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow will be better! It doesn't help that my throat is a little raw and I seem to have a slight cough (I think from the dust. At least, I hope!).
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I wonder if this is a side effect or if I over-did it yesterday?
I've been lightheaded and shaky all day. I ate...Ed came over and he and my mom basically put together my new living room, but I just sat there on the couch, exhausted. It sucks...I hope I feel better tomorrow! I really don't like feeling like this at all.
Yesterday was MUCH better!
I woke up feeling so much less nauseous...minimally so, and felt pretty good heading off to rehearsal. Rehearsal itself went well, I thought, and when I got back, I grabbed my mom and declared that I NEEDED an egg and cheese omelette. We hit 'Sound Bytes' where I got a yummy scone plate with an egg, dill, and cheese omelette, hash browns, and a raspberry scone (which has yet to be eaten). We then drove around looking at living room furniture, finally ending up at IKEA where, after some very frustrating waiting, I bought essentially a new living room!
I bought a small sofa, 3 nesting tables, a chair with a footstool, and a HUGE entertainment unit (which was amazingly on sale...it couldn't have been more than cost) so that will all be delivered today and Ed is being so generous in helping us put the stuff together (we already put the nesting tables together last night).
I didn't take the nausea pill last night and woke up at about 6am to eat a couple of saltines before going back to bed. So far so good...I had a doughnut and am currently drinking some tea.
I bought a small sofa, 3 nesting tables, a chair with a footstool, and a HUGE entertainment unit (which was amazingly on sale...it couldn't have been more than cost) so that will all be delivered today and Ed is being so generous in helping us put the stuff together (we already put the nesting tables together last night).
I didn't take the nausea pill last night and woke up at about 6am to eat a couple of saltines before going back to bed. So far so good...I had a doughnut and am currently drinking some tea.
Friday, January 22, 2010
And...the hair is gone (yet also back!) -- Picture heavy!!
But first, a very awesome chair that we saw today. Sadly, it is too expensive for me to bring home, but it's pretty freaking awesome!
But, back to the hair!
First, a few 'before' pictures:
Then, the haircut:
This is how much hair I will be donating!
And it's all off!
But...here's the wig! It'll look so much better when it's pulled off of my face:
But, back to the hair!
First, a few 'before' pictures:
Then, the haircut:
This is how much hair I will be donating!
And it's all off!
But...here's the wig! It'll look so much better when it's pulled off of my face:
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The day after chemo...
I woke up at about 9:45am...rather early for one who is happy to sleep until noon...or sometimes later if I'm really tired. Mom and I ran around a bit, running errands and such and we looked at a sectional sofa as well as a new futon mattress. After much deliberation and measuring, I bought the new futon mattress. It still gives me time to decide if I want to get the sectional. The price is really good.
I was pretty good all day with the nausea, but in the last half hour or so, I started feeling a little queasy. I ate some saltines so I could take the pill so we'll see if that helps. Maybe I ate something I shouldn't have...or maybe things are catching up. I sort of hope it's the former.
Tomorrow is the haircut and wig-getting...as well as the delivery of the futon mattress. I'm going to try and get my parking permit as well and go measure a really lovely Baker's cabinet that I saw at a consignment shop...assuming I feel up to it. I wonder if part of the problem is that I got the shot of Nulastin (sp?) to keep my immune system up, but it's made my knees hurt.
So let's hope that this pill works and I'll be fine for my errands and such tomorrow.
I was pretty good all day with the nausea, but in the last half hour or so, I started feeling a little queasy. I ate some saltines so I could take the pill so we'll see if that helps. Maybe I ate something I shouldn't have...or maybe things are catching up. I sort of hope it's the former.
Tomorrow is the haircut and wig-getting...as well as the delivery of the futon mattress. I'm going to try and get my parking permit as well and go measure a really lovely Baker's cabinet that I saw at a consignment shop...assuming I feel up to it. I wonder if part of the problem is that I got the shot of Nulastin (sp?) to keep my immune system up, but it's made my knees hurt.
So let's hope that this pill works and I'll be fine for my errands and such tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
We're off!
So.
I got to the hospital, as requested, before 8am and got taken down to the Radiation place and got prepped for the surgery. I HATED having the IV put in my hand...it freaking hurt! Thus the port! I was sort of awake during it -- I could hear them talking, but couldn't feel anything. However, when I woke up and was wheeled up to Oncology, ow! OW! I ordered lunch of a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich and chicken soup and took two tylenol which helped for a bit. I studied my score for a while and knitted, but when they brought out the actual chemo drugs, it was all about the popsicles. Mango popsicle #1 was with the Adriamycin, and popsicle #2 was with the Cytoxin. I'm hoping that it helps!
We were finally out of there before 3pm and we came home where my mom napped and I knitted. Then we were off to Whole Foods for dinner before rehearsal. As I was driving to dinner I started to feel...off. That's sort of how I've felt all night. Off.
My throat is a little scratchy (could be from the cold, the cigarette smoke, reflux, or the chemo), my stomach is a little touchy (had chicken and rice soup and brown rice for dinner as well as several pieces of dinner) and I just feel under-energized. It's been a very stressful day so a lot of it could be that. So who knows?
I'm going to take the anti-nausea meds they told me to take...it's only for a couple of days, so I'll deal. Turns out that they need me to come in and do the hair cut and get the wig on Friday...so I shall do it on Friday!
I need to go back tomorrow to get a shot to boost my immune system. Today, I got the shot to put me into menopause for 3 months so that my ovaries get some protection from all of this.
So, that was today. I'm not too sure what tomorrow will bring...I'm tired, but I'm nervous about going to bed because I don't want to feel icky during the night. I guess that's what the meds are for.
I got to the hospital, as requested, before 8am and got taken down to the Radiation place and got prepped for the surgery. I HATED having the IV put in my hand...it freaking hurt! Thus the port! I was sort of awake during it -- I could hear them talking, but couldn't feel anything. However, when I woke up and was wheeled up to Oncology, ow! OW! I ordered lunch of a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich and chicken soup and took two tylenol which helped for a bit. I studied my score for a while and knitted, but when they brought out the actual chemo drugs, it was all about the popsicles. Mango popsicle #1 was with the Adriamycin, and popsicle #2 was with the Cytoxin. I'm hoping that it helps!
We were finally out of there before 3pm and we came home where my mom napped and I knitted. Then we were off to Whole Foods for dinner before rehearsal. As I was driving to dinner I started to feel...off. That's sort of how I've felt all night. Off.
My throat is a little scratchy (could be from the cold, the cigarette smoke, reflux, or the chemo), my stomach is a little touchy (had chicken and rice soup and brown rice for dinner as well as several pieces of dinner) and I just feel under-energized. It's been a very stressful day so a lot of it could be that. So who knows?
I'm going to take the anti-nausea meds they told me to take...it's only for a couple of days, so I'll deal. Turns out that they need me to come in and do the hair cut and get the wig on Friday...so I shall do it on Friday!
I need to go back tomorrow to get a shot to boost my immune system. Today, I got the shot to put me into menopause for 3 months so that my ovaries get some protection from all of this.
So, that was today. I'm not too sure what tomorrow will bring...I'm tired, but I'm nervous about going to bed because I don't want to feel icky during the night. I guess that's what the meds are for.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
And...here we go!
T minus about 9 hours before Chemo session #1 starts. My mom is here...Maggie doesn't seem to be doing too well tonight, but maybe she'll rally in the morning, like she did this morning.
Wish me luck, all...and please send some requests to whomever that I don't have any side effects to deal with!
I may relay more tomorrow afternoon/evening.
Wish me luck, all...and please send some requests to whomever that I don't have any side effects to deal with!
I may relay more tomorrow afternoon/evening.
Theatrical Wig and other things
The wig on a glass head!
The wig on me!
Such big hair!!!
So, with the Big Day looming, I'm going to ask for people to warn me if they're feeling under the weather and we're supposed to hang out. I'll be toting Purell with me, but if I can not be near ill people, that would probably be the best.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Weekend Update
Friday and Saturday were so busy, I figured I'd just do a weekend report sort of thing.
Friday: I got to hang out with Emily J. before going to a sing-through rehearsal with the whole 'Cosi' cast. That Act I Finale is a killer! It didn't help that 1) I didn't even think to review the Act II Finale so I had pretty much forgotten all that goes on in that, and 2) a former teacher, wife of the Don Alfonso, and head of the BU Opera Institute came in and listened for part of the rehearsal! No pressure! Gaah! Singing the duet with the tenor was really nice though...and really hard. It doesn't seem that hard when I'm playing it myself, but I'll get it. It's just something I need to be sure to look at tomorrow and Tuesday.
Saturday: First was the rehearsal, which was great since we staged my aria and then started working on the Act I Finale. We got about half-way through before time was up. I then booked it over to find parking and take the T to Newbury Street where Rebecca H., Tom D., and Jennie S. met me at the salon for a wig consultation. First of all, THANK YOU ALL!!!! It was so great having you all there!!! So first I tried on a dark brown wig with a bit of a light wave to it, which was better, but my three 'advisors' were wonderful in helping the wig lady understand that I really, really, really wanted long and curly. We pulled back the sides of the wig with clips and it did help a lot. But then, the wig lady worked some magic and came in with THE WIG! I saw it and before I even put it on, I said 'Yes! THAT is the wig I want!' We put it on...it was my hair! Long, curly at the bottom...it was perfect! She just has to get it in my hair color and it will be all set! The curls will stay...and return once the hair is washed! I put down the deposit (it was a lot less than I thought it was going to be for a 100% human hair, long wig!) and will get it next Saturday when I chop off my hair so the transition should be seamless.
After that, I then trotted out to Arlington for a costume fitting for 'Cosi'. Now, the last time I was in this costume shop, I thought it was kind of skeezy. However, it has since moved and the lady who was there was pretty great! She showed me the costume (which was gorgeous) and got me a petticoat (which was a little tight, but she said they would adjust it) and the dress fit PERFECTLY! No alterations needed!!! It's a real, 18th Century style...I've never worn that on stage, so I'm really excited!
Once that was done, I went up to Rebecca H.'s house for a singing party...and it was a lovely, lovely time. I wasn't going to sing, but I did end up singing 'Wunderbar' and 'Before I gaze at you again'.
Sunday: Today was the day to run errands and get things for the coming week. First though, I had an audition. They had an OLD headshot (I think I got it taken when I was in Grad School!) and I am so glad I brought a new one because they are SO much better! I also added an updated resume which included some upcoming performances which, while still in the planning stages, seem to be moving forward. They're also some really good roles -- even if they're just going to be in a concert performance. After that, I came home, gathered laundry, and went to do that. Once the clean laundry was in the car, I then drove to the shopping center to 1) get the prescriptions filled for the anti-nausea meds...I kind of don't want to take them if I can help it because the side effects look horrible, 2) get some ginger pieces and ginger tea so I may not have to deal with #1, 3) get some food...mostly gatorade, soup, yogurt, dates, and popsicles to bring to the hospital -- well, not the soup, but the other stuff, and 4) got cat-nail trimmers since I don't want Jack to accidentally scratch me.
I still have a few more things to get tomorrow (like, pick up the prescription and get an electric razor), but then I think I'm mostly done...except I do need to get ice for the cooler. Either Monday or Tuesday evening I'll need to get together a Hospital bag full of things I want to bring, such as the food, any movies, knitting, my score...and anything my mom will want to bring.
I'm still very nervous to see how I'm going to react to all this, but I'm going to do everything that I can so that I don't have much of a reaction at all. One of my biggest worries is that I don't feel and look like myself during all of this. The wig is going to help a lot towards helping me do that...the rest I suppose we'll see.
I'm also very concerned about Maggie. I don't know that she's going to be able to make it through the week :(.
Friday: I got to hang out with Emily J. before going to a sing-through rehearsal with the whole 'Cosi' cast. That Act I Finale is a killer! It didn't help that 1) I didn't even think to review the Act II Finale so I had pretty much forgotten all that goes on in that, and 2) a former teacher, wife of the Don Alfonso, and head of the BU Opera Institute came in and listened for part of the rehearsal! No pressure! Gaah! Singing the duet with the tenor was really nice though...and really hard. It doesn't seem that hard when I'm playing it myself, but I'll get it. It's just something I need to be sure to look at tomorrow and Tuesday.
Saturday: First was the rehearsal, which was great since we staged my aria and then started working on the Act I Finale. We got about half-way through before time was up. I then booked it over to find parking and take the T to Newbury Street where Rebecca H., Tom D., and Jennie S. met me at the salon for a wig consultation. First of all, THANK YOU ALL!!!! It was so great having you all there!!! So first I tried on a dark brown wig with a bit of a light wave to it, which was better, but my three 'advisors' were wonderful in helping the wig lady understand that I really, really, really wanted long and curly. We pulled back the sides of the wig with clips and it did help a lot. But then, the wig lady worked some magic and came in with THE WIG! I saw it and before I even put it on, I said 'Yes! THAT is the wig I want!' We put it on...it was my hair! Long, curly at the bottom...it was perfect! She just has to get it in my hair color and it will be all set! The curls will stay...and return once the hair is washed! I put down the deposit (it was a lot less than I thought it was going to be for a 100% human hair, long wig!) and will get it next Saturday when I chop off my hair so the transition should be seamless.
After that, I then trotted out to Arlington for a costume fitting for 'Cosi'. Now, the last time I was in this costume shop, I thought it was kind of skeezy. However, it has since moved and the lady who was there was pretty great! She showed me the costume (which was gorgeous) and got me a petticoat (which was a little tight, but she said they would adjust it) and the dress fit PERFECTLY! No alterations needed!!! It's a real, 18th Century style...I've never worn that on stage, so I'm really excited!
Once that was done, I went up to Rebecca H.'s house for a singing party...and it was a lovely, lovely time. I wasn't going to sing, but I did end up singing 'Wunderbar' and 'Before I gaze at you again'.
Sunday: Today was the day to run errands and get things for the coming week. First though, I had an audition. They had an OLD headshot (I think I got it taken when I was in Grad School!) and I am so glad I brought a new one because they are SO much better! I also added an updated resume which included some upcoming performances which, while still in the planning stages, seem to be moving forward. They're also some really good roles -- even if they're just going to be in a concert performance. After that, I came home, gathered laundry, and went to do that. Once the clean laundry was in the car, I then drove to the shopping center to 1) get the prescriptions filled for the anti-nausea meds...I kind of don't want to take them if I can help it because the side effects look horrible, 2) get some ginger pieces and ginger tea so I may not have to deal with #1, 3) get some food...mostly gatorade, soup, yogurt, dates, and popsicles to bring to the hospital -- well, not the soup, but the other stuff, and 4) got cat-nail trimmers since I don't want Jack to accidentally scratch me.
I still have a few more things to get tomorrow (like, pick up the prescription and get an electric razor), but then I think I'm mostly done...except I do need to get ice for the cooler. Either Monday or Tuesday evening I'll need to get together a Hospital bag full of things I want to bring, such as the food, any movies, knitting, my score...and anything my mom will want to bring.
I'm still very nervous to see how I'm going to react to all this, but I'm going to do everything that I can so that I don't have much of a reaction at all. One of my biggest worries is that I don't feel and look like myself during all of this. The wig is going to help a lot towards helping me do that...the rest I suppose we'll see.
I'm also very concerned about Maggie. I don't know that she's going to be able to make it through the week :(.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Crisis and need to Kick Someone's Ass averted.
A port will be put in -- granted, it means starting everything 2 hours later, but they said I'd be out of there by 4:30pm. It just means that there will be less of an opportunity to rest between the treatment and rehearsal. Oh well. I'll sleep while I'm being chemo-ed then or something. The doctor is also being asked about the Lupron shot...which I said I could ONLY do next week. Basta fini.
Update: There was an opening and things will proceed, as originally planned, starting at 9am. Nnnnggggh!
The Theatrical wig has arrived! I didn't take it out of its packaging as I don't have any place to put it, but it feels lovely (as it should...it's half human-hair!) and has nice curls. The color is a little lighter than the color at my roots, but it seems to match fairly well with the bottom half of my hair so I think it's going to be just fine. When I get home, I'll put it on and take a picture.
We met the guys at rehearsal last night and I got to hug and be held by the baritone. It really felt nice to be hugging and to be held by a guy who is not a member of my family. I know it was just 'theatre hugging' but it still felt really good. I need more of that. Kind of sucks to be single right now, but oh well. I'll get my kicks with the stage-hugs, I guess.
Update: There was an opening and things will proceed, as originally planned, starting at 9am. Nnnnggggh!
The Theatrical wig has arrived! I didn't take it out of its packaging as I don't have any place to put it, but it feels lovely (as it should...it's half human-hair!) and has nice curls. The color is a little lighter than the color at my roots, but it seems to match fairly well with the bottom half of my hair so I think it's going to be just fine. When I get home, I'll put it on and take a picture.
We met the guys at rehearsal last night and I got to hug and be held by the baritone. It really felt nice to be hugging and to be held by a guy who is not a member of my family. I know it was just 'theatre hugging' but it still felt really good. I need more of that. Kind of sucks to be single right now, but oh well. I'll get my kicks with the stage-hugs, I guess.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Ok, Really?!?
So, I went in, right on time, to take a look at where I'll be receiving the chemo treatments -- much different than I imagined, that's for certain -- and when I went in and mentioned that I would be getting a port, the nurse there said 'And when are you getting that put in?' I said, 'Well, I assumed that the oncologist set it up and I was getting it the morning of the first treatment.' She went to double-check and no...I wasn't on the schedule.
I BEG your pardon?
She then tried to get me on the schedule that morning, but they couldn't do it. They could only do the day before, but I have no one to drive me to/from the appointment so I said I couldn't do it. She then called my surgeon to see if they could do it instead of the other department (as they sometimes do) and will be getting back to me.
But HELLO?! When was someone going to get this done? Who was going to do it? If it was my responsibility, someone should have told me where to go and who to contact!
I then apparently had to get blood drawn for some coagulation test...and again, they couldn't get into the vein in my arm. THIS is why I need to get a port, people! They ended up going through my hand...owwwwww. Again, why I need a freaking port! I'm little! I have little veins! So now I have to shower the night before and morning of this with some special stuff and even though I'm supposed to eat before chemo, I'm not supposed to eat before this procedure. I guess I'll have to eat between???
I then sat down with the oncologist who apologized and said that she didn't know how far her receptionist had gotten in the scheduling (and why not? Why can't you pull this up if you need to??). But she wrote me prescriptions for two anti-nausea drugs (not the ones we talked about, Liddy) and a prescription for a wig.
I mentioned the whole Benadryl reaction to the nurse and I'd rather not be given Benadryl and THEN some sort of sedative to counteract the Benadryl. At this rate, I'll just be hyper in the chemo chair.
Needless to say, I'm pretty pissed off that we are a week out and this hasn't been scheduled! I still don't know when I'm getting the Lupron shot (to protect my ovaries) and I'll be calling them tomorrow about that (I doubt I can get it before Monday though).
Really...first this oncologist needlessly freaks out my mom and sister due to her hatred of all things cats and now she doesn't schedule me for these very important procedures before we get started? Maybe it's in revenge since I don't have dogs??
I BEG your pardon?
She then tried to get me on the schedule that morning, but they couldn't do it. They could only do the day before, but I have no one to drive me to/from the appointment so I said I couldn't do it. She then called my surgeon to see if they could do it instead of the other department (as they sometimes do) and will be getting back to me.
But HELLO?! When was someone going to get this done? Who was going to do it? If it was my responsibility, someone should have told me where to go and who to contact!
I then apparently had to get blood drawn for some coagulation test...and again, they couldn't get into the vein in my arm. THIS is why I need to get a port, people! They ended up going through my hand...owwwwww. Again, why I need a freaking port! I'm little! I have little veins! So now I have to shower the night before and morning of this with some special stuff and even though I'm supposed to eat before chemo, I'm not supposed to eat before this procedure. I guess I'll have to eat between???
I then sat down with the oncologist who apologized and said that she didn't know how far her receptionist had gotten in the scheduling (and why not? Why can't you pull this up if you need to??). But she wrote me prescriptions for two anti-nausea drugs (not the ones we talked about, Liddy) and a prescription for a wig.
I mentioned the whole Benadryl reaction to the nurse and I'd rather not be given Benadryl and THEN some sort of sedative to counteract the Benadryl. At this rate, I'll just be hyper in the chemo chair.
Needless to say, I'm pretty pissed off that we are a week out and this hasn't been scheduled! I still don't know when I'm getting the Lupron shot (to protect my ovaries) and I'll be calling them tomorrow about that (I doubt I can get it before Monday though).
Really...first this oncologist needlessly freaks out my mom and sister due to her hatred of all things cats and now she doesn't schedule me for these very important procedures before we get started? Maybe it's in revenge since I don't have dogs??
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I guess I shouldn't be too hard on my cramps today...
...I'm trying not to think that 'they may be my last' since that's pretty defeatist, but the thought is spinning around and probably making them a little more bearable.
More than y'all wanted to know, I'm sure!
I did just finish reading one of the books that Liddy got me, called Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips which was written by a woman who, at 31, was diagnosed with some sort of liver cancer. First of all, THANK YOU, LIDDY! It was a fantastic book with enough snark and anger for me to appreciate it, but also with a lot of good information. She draws on her own experiences as well as experiences of a few other women (aged 25 to about 40) and it's definitely aimed towards a younger (under 45) set.
I actually just did one of the things that was suggested in the book: I called my oncologist and will be taking a tour of the chemo suite tomorrow so I know what to expect when I go in. I think having to deal with everything else on that day and the massive anxiety of actually doing this thing (instead of just talking about it) is going to be difficult enough. So now I'll be able to go look around when I'm calm and rational. Yay for proactivity?
Also, I guess I want to tell everyone 'Thank you'. I know that this isn't easy on people, especially my immediate family. But I really need everyone to be supportive and as upbeat as they can be and not try to bully me around or make decisions for me or tell me how I need to do things. I realize that it's very hard not to want to make sure I'm snug and safe and cocooned, but I can't (and won't) live in a sterile bubble, and to paraphrase what Sarah wrote to me in an email, which I do love, I'm not going to stop my life for this. I will only slow it down as I see fit. I need everyone to trust me when I say that I will take a rest if I feel that I need to and I won't force myself to do anything. However, one of the things that was pointed out in this book was, especially if you are feeling fatigued, getting up and moving around will give you more energy. I'm not going to go run a marathon (hah!) nor am I going to fill my day up with errands (like I am doing this week). But I need to be respected if I say, 'I want to go to work today' or 'I feel fine'. I'm the only one who is going to know this.
I know everyone is worried and I know people aren't really looking forward to coming with me for the treatments (although your company is very much appreciated and I'm looking forward to spending time with all of you) but I won't be comatose. I won't be napping (especially if they end up giving me Benadryl!). I plan on bringing movies and sheet music and knitting and snacks. I plan on having conversations. I'd like some laughs.
Again, please don't get this vision of the lethargic, skeletal, turban-wrapped figure in the hospital bed from the Lifetime movies. You all know me and you know I'm like that. I'm just not the languishing type! I will rest if I feel I need rest. I will move if I want to move. I need people to support me and not smother me. I really know that it's hard...believe me, I'd probably feel the same if the positions were reversed. I don't need arguments about what you think I should be doing and what I want to do. I don't need to be bullied to stay in bed (not that I think that would happen).
Please talk to me (via email, phone, in person) about your concerns and anxieties so maybe we can work on them together. If you don't want to talk to me, that's ok too, but please talk to SOMEONE. This blog is kind of therapeutic for me as it is and I know some others are already talking to their therapists. But if you need someone to talk to besides me, find someone please...don't keep it bottled up inside. That doesn't do any of us any good.
More than y'all wanted to know, I'm sure!
I did just finish reading one of the books that Liddy got me, called Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips which was written by a woman who, at 31, was diagnosed with some sort of liver cancer. First of all, THANK YOU, LIDDY! It was a fantastic book with enough snark and anger for me to appreciate it, but also with a lot of good information. She draws on her own experiences as well as experiences of a few other women (aged 25 to about 40) and it's definitely aimed towards a younger (under 45) set.
I actually just did one of the things that was suggested in the book: I called my oncologist and will be taking a tour of the chemo suite tomorrow so I know what to expect when I go in. I think having to deal with everything else on that day and the massive anxiety of actually doing this thing (instead of just talking about it) is going to be difficult enough. So now I'll be able to go look around when I'm calm and rational. Yay for proactivity?
Also, I guess I want to tell everyone 'Thank you'. I know that this isn't easy on people, especially my immediate family. But I really need everyone to be supportive and as upbeat as they can be and not try to bully me around or make decisions for me or tell me how I need to do things. I realize that it's very hard not to want to make sure I'm snug and safe and cocooned, but I can't (and won't) live in a sterile bubble, and to paraphrase what Sarah wrote to me in an email, which I do love, I'm not going to stop my life for this. I will only slow it down as I see fit. I need everyone to trust me when I say that I will take a rest if I feel that I need to and I won't force myself to do anything. However, one of the things that was pointed out in this book was, especially if you are feeling fatigued, getting up and moving around will give you more energy. I'm not going to go run a marathon (hah!) nor am I going to fill my day up with errands (like I am doing this week). But I need to be respected if I say, 'I want to go to work today' or 'I feel fine'. I'm the only one who is going to know this.
I know everyone is worried and I know people aren't really looking forward to coming with me for the treatments (although your company is very much appreciated and I'm looking forward to spending time with all of you) but I won't be comatose. I won't be napping (especially if they end up giving me Benadryl!). I plan on bringing movies and sheet music and knitting and snacks. I plan on having conversations. I'd like some laughs.
Again, please don't get this vision of the lethargic, skeletal, turban-wrapped figure in the hospital bed from the Lifetime movies. You all know me and you know I'm like that. I'm just not the languishing type! I will rest if I feel I need rest. I will move if I want to move. I need people to support me and not smother me. I really know that it's hard...believe me, I'd probably feel the same if the positions were reversed. I don't need arguments about what you think I should be doing and what I want to do. I don't need to be bullied to stay in bed (not that I think that would happen).
Please talk to me (via email, phone, in person) about your concerns and anxieties so maybe we can work on them together. If you don't want to talk to me, that's ok too, but please talk to SOMEONE. This blog is kind of therapeutic for me as it is and I know some others are already talking to their therapists. But if you need someone to talk to besides me, find someone please...don't keep it bottled up inside. That doesn't do any of us any good.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Yet more awesomeness...
I told my coach tonight. He was great...as I knew he would be...and he was pretty much himself...which I knew he would be. I sang through a couple of arias and, with his help, figured out what to sing on Sunday. I still need to work on them a bit, but it's good having a plan for that too! He even seemed interested in coming to see the show...so I'm going to send him a postcard for it!
I'm meeting with the 30 y.o (Sarah) tomorrow for dinner. I may try to write down questions to ask her beforehand.
My sister sent me a couple of books that look interesting so far. I was trying to stay away from the books but these are less 'Oh, poor you! You can be strong' and more 'Ok. You want this? Let's show you how!'. One is called 'Crazy Sexy Cancer' written by a 30-something woman who is dealing with cancer (not breast though) and the other is 'Beauty Pearls for Chemo Girls' which looks to have some really great beauty tips.
And I am not getting rid of my poor, sick kitty. So there!
I'm meeting with the 30 y.o (Sarah) tomorrow for dinner. I may try to write down questions to ask her beforehand.
My sister sent me a couple of books that look interesting so far. I was trying to stay away from the books but these are less 'Oh, poor you! You can be strong' and more 'Ok. You want this? Let's show you how!'. One is called 'Crazy Sexy Cancer' written by a 30-something woman who is dealing with cancer (not breast though) and the other is 'Beauty Pearls for Chemo Girls' which looks to have some really great beauty tips.
And I am not getting rid of my poor, sick kitty. So there!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Even the MAC girl was awesome!
I went to the mall today and stopped by the MAC counter to ask them what they suggested that one use to draw on eyebrows and such. She showed me an eyebrow pencil but agreed that it would look too drawn on. She then said 'Oh, but you have nice eyebrows now!' and I explained that chemo's going to take them at some point in the near future. She seemed surprised, apologized, and then went right on to show me about using an angled brush (which I have) and a dark brown eyeshadow (which I also have). We also talked a little about eyelashes and she showed me what MAC had -- which were very nice and not too pricey for the quality. She apologized again after writing down the item numbers and colors for me and when I said 'It's all going to be fine' she looked at me and said, 'Yes, it is. You're amazing.'
So that was really kind of cool and very touching.
In the back of my mind, I have this idea to really document everything that's going to be going on for the next year and maybe one day turn it into a book. Yes, there are lots of books out there. However, I haven't really been able to find anything geared towards women under 40. I'm meeting up with another girl (30 years old) on Tuesday who just started chemo and I have another friend on the West Coast who is 35. I think we'd have a lot to add in regards to keeping up with jobs, social lives, appearances...something that I think changes with the older crowd (no offense. We're just at a different part in our lives). Now, I know one already has kids and is married...I don't know about the other, but I'll find out!
Sadly, the EHarmony guy hasn't emailed me since Wednesday. Oh well.
So that was really kind of cool and very touching.
In the back of my mind, I have this idea to really document everything that's going to be going on for the next year and maybe one day turn it into a book. Yes, there are lots of books out there. However, I haven't really been able to find anything geared towards women under 40. I'm meeting up with another girl (30 years old) on Tuesday who just started chemo and I have another friend on the West Coast who is 35. I think we'd have a lot to add in regards to keeping up with jobs, social lives, appearances...something that I think changes with the older crowd (no offense. We're just at a different part in our lives). Now, I know one already has kids and is married...I don't know about the other, but I'll find out!
Sadly, the EHarmony guy hasn't emailed me since Wednesday. Oh well.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Contentment is a warm, purring cat on your lap.
It really is. I love it when Maggie curls up on my lap and goes to sleep, purring.
That said, I would like to write today's rant.
When I ask about what to do during chemo and mention that Benadryl has an adverse reaction and does not help me sleep, please DO NOT tell me that the 'drugs that they give you with the chemo make you sleepy and to just sleep during it'. Ahem. Said drugs are Benadryl. Benadryl makes me hyper. That is not conducive to sleep. Seriously. Nor do I plan on sleeping since I have so much other stuff to do!
On a good note, I got some fantastic, HOT PINK cotton yarn today. I bought it to make a lovely, soft hat. However, I find that I'm actually kind of depressed that I'll be making hats to wear because of the chemo. They're going to be fabulous hats and may get worn with the wig...or not. I don't know. But sometimes I'm ok with it...but today it kind of depressed me.
I have the contact information for a few people to email. I'm finding that there's a big difference in reactions between pre-menopausal woman and post...it's kind of interesting. You would think more people would do a study or include that information when they write about 'what to expect'.
On a completely unrelated note, I am rather amused that The Rock is doing a movie where he becomes a Tooth Fairy.
That said, I would like to write today's rant.
When I ask about what to do during chemo and mention that Benadryl has an adverse reaction and does not help me sleep, please DO NOT tell me that the 'drugs that they give you with the chemo make you sleepy and to just sleep during it'. Ahem. Said drugs are Benadryl. Benadryl makes me hyper. That is not conducive to sleep. Seriously. Nor do I plan on sleeping since I have so much other stuff to do!
On a good note, I got some fantastic, HOT PINK cotton yarn today. I bought it to make a lovely, soft hat. However, I find that I'm actually kind of depressed that I'll be making hats to wear because of the chemo. They're going to be fabulous hats and may get worn with the wig...or not. I don't know. But sometimes I'm ok with it...but today it kind of depressed me.
I have the contact information for a few people to email. I'm finding that there's a big difference in reactions between pre-menopausal woman and post...it's kind of interesting. You would think more people would do a study or include that information when they write about 'what to expect'.
On a completely unrelated note, I am rather amused that The Rock is doing a movie where he becomes a Tooth Fairy.
Friday, January 8, 2010
I guess it's a problem being young.
On one of the boards I'm on, people are trying to be helpful, I know, but I don't know if it's a difference of age (these women are considerably older than I) or of lifestyle, but I don't know that some of them get that the point of me getting a wig isn't just to have 'hair'. It's to feel more like myself.
I am not a hat person. I am not a turban person. However, I am aware that I may need to become one at least briefly.
Basically, These have been recommended to me. The thing is, I don't usually wear hats or kerchiefs. For that amount of money, I'd rather put it towards a nice wig or...I don't know. I think having Ben Franklin hair under an uncharacteristic hat...unstyled and just hanging there is not me. These women don't know who I am aside from the few statements I've made on the board so I can't really fault them. I feel bad when I say 'Thanks, but I'm going a different route for this', like I'm insulting them, but I'm trying to tell myself that while it may be one thing for them, it's something else for me.
I also think that the gap in age makes a big difference. Probably the lifestyle does as well.
I am not a hat person. I am not a turban person. However, I am aware that I may need to become one at least briefly.
Basically, These have been recommended to me. The thing is, I don't usually wear hats or kerchiefs. For that amount of money, I'd rather put it towards a nice wig or...I don't know. I think having Ben Franklin hair under an uncharacteristic hat...unstyled and just hanging there is not me. These women don't know who I am aside from the few statements I've made on the board so I can't really fault them. I feel bad when I say 'Thanks, but I'm going a different route for this', like I'm insulting them, but I'm trying to tell myself that while it may be one thing for them, it's something else for me.
I also think that the gap in age makes a big difference. Probably the lifestyle does as well.
Purchase #1
Purchased for theatrical use as it can be styled. It was also less than 1/10 the price of the pretty, expensive wigs and can be used for many shows to come!
In preparation...
* Work has been given my schedule.
* Freezer will be cleaned out to make room for popsicles.
* Hair appointment will be made -- I still need to figure out if I want to try to do it the day after with the possibility of cancelling or two days after or three.
* Wig questions have been emailed.
I am told that I can bring in my laptop, movies, popsicles, food, books, knitting, friends...whatever! I didn't know about the laptop, so that's really very nice. For the first session, I think I may finally finish up the 'John Adams' mini-series of which I still have DVD 2 and 3. Then I can get other movies on my Netflix queue to bring in for the other sessions. I should actually see what I have on there!
I just bought the pattern for one of the hats that I plan to make...I actually started another last night because it's a test knit and I think that it has a deadline. I'm really enjoying the yarn I'm using...it's 100% wool, but it feels like I'm knitting with cotton! A sweater may be in order. I also have some luscious new yarn of a wool/alpaca blend that needs to become a hat, I think...but I just don't know which hat!
They left a little bit of stitching in one of my incisions and, per the Radiation Oncologist's instructions, I tried pulling it out last night, but it started bleeding so I stopped. A call has been made to the Surgeon and I'm waiting for her to give me a call back. I guess worse comes to worse, I can ask a doctor friend this weekend, but I don't know that he needs to see my boob ;).
No email back from Eharmony guy...which is kind of a shame since we had a lot in common and he seemed very friendly. Maybe he's just busy...or maybe he lost interest. Figures.
I am cramming recit into my head as quickly as I can...I'm stuck on a few places and I'm not entirely sure why. I have part of one recit to finish memorizing and then another to memorize before tomorrow's rehearsal...gaah!
I spent a little bit of today calling the billing center at the hospital and then my insurance company...apparently I AM responsible for the $1200+ bill from the hospital as I have a $1500 deductible on my plan. Ok, ew. However, I have a ChoiceCare card that I -think- takes care of it...and I don't end up having to pay it? I think I should research this a little more.
And...I got some music in the mail! Music I ordered in October...music I have wanted for a LONG time! Granted, it's in that 'manuscript' handwriting, so I need to bring it into some coaches to see if it's something that they don't mind playing, but yay! I may try to practice tonight and play with it to see if it fits! Comedic English Aria!! That no one else sings!!! Right up my alley!
AND, I have another wig consultation back at Salon 10 on Saturday the 16th after rehearsal. Anyone want to come with me? I think only one other can come as it's a very small room, but I'd love the company.
* Freezer will be cleaned out to make room for popsicles.
* Hair appointment will be made -- I still need to figure out if I want to try to do it the day after with the possibility of cancelling or two days after or three.
* Wig questions have been emailed.
I am told that I can bring in my laptop, movies, popsicles, food, books, knitting, friends...whatever! I didn't know about the laptop, so that's really very nice. For the first session, I think I may finally finish up the 'John Adams' mini-series of which I still have DVD 2 and 3. Then I can get other movies on my Netflix queue to bring in for the other sessions. I should actually see what I have on there!
I just bought the pattern for one of the hats that I plan to make...I actually started another last night because it's a test knit and I think that it has a deadline. I'm really enjoying the yarn I'm using...it's 100% wool, but it feels like I'm knitting with cotton! A sweater may be in order. I also have some luscious new yarn of a wool/alpaca blend that needs to become a hat, I think...but I just don't know which hat!
They left a little bit of stitching in one of my incisions and, per the Radiation Oncologist's instructions, I tried pulling it out last night, but it started bleeding so I stopped. A call has been made to the Surgeon and I'm waiting for her to give me a call back. I guess worse comes to worse, I can ask a doctor friend this weekend, but I don't know that he needs to see my boob ;).
No email back from Eharmony guy...which is kind of a shame since we had a lot in common and he seemed very friendly. Maybe he's just busy...or maybe he lost interest. Figures.
I am cramming recit into my head as quickly as I can...I'm stuck on a few places and I'm not entirely sure why. I have part of one recit to finish memorizing and then another to memorize before tomorrow's rehearsal...gaah!
I spent a little bit of today calling the billing center at the hospital and then my insurance company...apparently I AM responsible for the $1200+ bill from the hospital as I have a $1500 deductible on my plan. Ok, ew. However, I have a ChoiceCare card that I -think- takes care of it...and I don't end up having to pay it? I think I should research this a little more.
And...I got some music in the mail! Music I ordered in October...music I have wanted for a LONG time! Granted, it's in that 'manuscript' handwriting, so I need to bring it into some coaches to see if it's something that they don't mind playing, but yay! I may try to practice tonight and play with it to see if it fits! Comedic English Aria!! That no one else sings!!! Right up my alley!
AND, I have another wig consultation back at Salon 10 on Saturday the 16th after rehearsal. Anyone want to come with me? I think only one other can come as it's a very small room, but I'd love the company.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
We have a schedule!!!
After much finagling and much angsting on my part, I have devised a schedule that has been approved by the oncologist!
Start Date: January 20th (Mom will come up for this)
Appt 2: February 3rd (Angeliki and maybe Rebecca? Beth and Anya will be coming by on the 4th)
EDIT! Appt 3:February 22th (Tracie will be here)
Appt 4:March 8th (Liddy will be here)
Start times are between 9 and 9:30am. Guess I'm not working those days.
I will double-check when I talk to them again about when Round 2 will start. But if it continues on the 'Every 2 Weeks' schedule, then it will be:
Appt 1:March 22 (Mom will be back for that)
Appt 2:April 5 (Barbara and Dad?)
Appt 3:April 19 (DeeDee)
FINAL APPT:May 3 (Marshall?)
So, I'm waiting to hear back from the rest of my family for claiming 'Come sit with me while I get pumped full of toxin' sessions before I open it to any and all takers :).
Start Date: January 20th (Mom will come up for this)
Appt 2: February 3rd (Angeliki and maybe Rebecca? Beth and Anya will be coming by on the 4th)
EDIT! Appt 3:February 22th (Tracie will be here)
Appt 4:March 8th (Liddy will be here)
Start times are between 9 and 9:30am. Guess I'm not working those days.
I will double-check when I talk to them again about when Round 2 will start. But if it continues on the 'Every 2 Weeks' schedule, then it will be:
Appt 1:March 22 (Mom will be back for that)
Appt 2:April 5 (Barbara and Dad?)
Appt 3:April 19 (DeeDee)
FINAL APPT:May 3 (Marshall?)
So, I'm waiting to hear back from the rest of my family for claiming 'Come sit with me while I get pumped full of toxin' sessions before I open it to any and all takers :).
Maybe I've got this skewed vision of people...
...but apparently I'm really surprised at how people have been reacting when I tell them. I've had fears that I will be dismissed from shows or shown a great deal of pity...and everyone has been wonderful!
I will not allow myself go get too fatigued or nauseous to do what I love.
I will do what I must in order to feed my mental and thusly physical health.
I will start exercising as it is supposed to help reduce any side effects.
If I end up living off of saltines and ginger ale for the next month so that I can still do what I want to do, so be it.
Hear that, Chemo? You're not going to kick my ass!
I will not allow myself go get too fatigued or nauseous to do what I love.
I will do what I must in order to feed my mental and thusly physical health.
I will start exercising as it is supposed to help reduce any side effects.
If I end up living off of saltines and ginger ale for the next month so that I can still do what I want to do, so be it.
Hear that, Chemo? You're not going to kick my ass!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Need help finding an 18th Century/Colonial wig!
So, these were the few I found online that I liked:
Any thoughts?
Any thoughts?
Really, Dr. Dentist? REALLY??
I call you and say 'Hey...I'm starting chemotherapy soon and I need this done...how quickly can we do it' and you say 'Well, you can only come in on Saturday at noon...otherwise I can't get it all fast enough'. Does it really take a week to rush a crown? Really??? I absolutely cannot move my schedule around on Saturday...and why couldn't you call the 8am appointment and say 'Hey, I'm really sorry, but there's an emergency situation...can you come in at noon that day or can we reschedule'?
Thanks for nothing.
Thanks for nothing.
And to top it all off, my ankle hurts!
So, yesterday I went for my Second Opinion at Dana Farber.
First of all, I was reminded how much I HATE walking in bitterly cold wind and how under-prepared I was for it. I need a hat that covers my ears! I think I shall be adding some sort of ear-covering hood to my knitting queue.
Secondly, Holy Sitting Around and Waiting, Batman! I got there at 10:40, was thrown some papers, then went to a couple of different offices where they checked my ID and such before having me wait some more. I then went to get some vitals taken...BP was fine, height had not changed, and weight was 118.6 -- sounded about right! I then waited some more, finally finished filling out the paperwork, and was brought in to talk to some coordinator for support groups and such. I liked that they had specialized groups for Young Women with Breast Cancer because I had been having a hard time finding that through Mt. Auburn -- DF sees many more people, so I guess I'm not surprised that they'd have a bigger group. I was then led into an examination room and left to wait again.
Ok, so don't get me wrong, the doctor was very nice and gentle and explained everything really well. Her thoughts on the treatment weren't really any different from the oncologist's at Mt. Auburn -- the only difference was that she said it 'could be done every 3 weeks instead of every 2' and that I didn't need to 'start within 6 weeks of the surgery date but could start within 12 and it would be ok'. Other than that, it was the same. There was one clinical trial that could have worked, but she said that since my prognosis was 'really very good' that the clinical trial really wasn't necessary since it was geared to people who had more aggressive issues than mine.
The issue I had, besides the waiting, was that I felt like I was just a number. They see SO many people and the waiting room was SO crowded...and at Mt. Auburn, people recognize me, they know my name, they know my concerns and they spend a lot of time with me explaining things or answering my questions. I really do like that. I don't want to be 'just another person'.
So, because I was left waiting so long, I barely had enough time to grab lunch before going to my second appointment, this time with the Radiation Oncologist back at Mt. Auburn. First of all, they were so friendly! The head R.N. who took down my history and such was great -- she was thorough and friendly and truly seemed concerned and interested in getting everything. Then the Rad. Oncologist came in and she reminded me of Holly! She had so much energy and was so upbeat! She suggested having the radiation first (and I get tattoos! Granted, they're tiny and look like faded freckles...no big, fancy things, I suppose) and then doing the chemotherapy since I had the opera so soon. We went to talk with the Med. Oncologist who really didn't advocate the idea. Drats.
So, as I went to get my oil changed (and transmission fluid and power steering fluid) in my car, I played with my calendar. I still need to talk to the oncologist to see if this is possible, but if I'm thinking about starting on Wednesday, Jan 20th, hopefully around noonish. I do have rehearsal that night, but I'm told that I should feel fine that evening -- if I'm going to have any side effects, it'll be the next couple of days afterwards. However, I don't have huge commitments on the Thursday and Friday afterwards so I can recover, if needed, then before the next rehearsal on Saturday.
The next treatment would then be Wednesday, February 3rd. The one after that, however, would switch, if they will let me, to Monday, February 15th which is between performances and would give me Tuesday and Wednesday to rest up before Thursday's performance. The final for this first round would be Monday, March 1st, giving me plenty of time to rest up for my Birthday on the 6th before the next round begins.
I am told that the first round of Adriamycin and Cytoxin are the worse of the two rounds, but I'm going to insist that my body can handle it well. I refuse to let it do anything less. Also, as T noted when we talked on the phone, my 'taking it easy' is pretty much most people's 'normal' as I'm always on the go! It's true :). The second round (Taxol and Herceptin) usually has (possibly) only some body aches (flu-like symptoms) for a day and maybe some temporary neuropathy in my fingers and toes (tingling). I can deal with that. Sadly, however, it will get rid of the rest of my body hair. I guess I won't mind not having to wax or shave for a little while, but I do like my eyelashes and eyebrows :(.
So. Now I'm waiting to talk to the Oncologist to see if this will all work. Then I will call the salon and make an appointment to get my hair chopped off. I will also call the dentist and see if they can expedite a root canal/crown before the 20th. I will then see about ordering the wig. I decided that I wanted a longer one since I will have at least a year of short hair. I also need to get started on knitting some of those hats -- I've been working on my mom's mittens, but it's kind of slow going. I may be able to put some real time into them later this week/this weekend as I don't think I'll have much downtime at rehearsal.
I will also be telling the director tonight. I have a really big fear that he'll replace me, but I'm hoping that he'll be as awesome as the Scarlet Pimpernel director was about it (you know who you are! It was such a relief!!!). I want to warn him that yes, at some point in the near future, I will have very short hair and that I will get a wig if it is necessary (I found some nice-looking period ones on Ebay and can make a trip to Dorothy's if needed).
There may be a plan in place. I'm not looking forward to it, but at least there will be a schedule.
On another note, I don't think Maggie is doing too well. She's started some weird, very infrequent wheezing which is much like when she is going to cough up a hairball. It could be just that (she seems otherwise fine) as I've let her groom herself a little more than I had in a long time, or it could be one of the warning signs I've been told to watch for. Poor baby :(. I hope it's the former.
First of all, I was reminded how much I HATE walking in bitterly cold wind and how under-prepared I was for it. I need a hat that covers my ears! I think I shall be adding some sort of ear-covering hood to my knitting queue.
Secondly, Holy Sitting Around and Waiting, Batman! I got there at 10:40, was thrown some papers, then went to a couple of different offices where they checked my ID and such before having me wait some more. I then went to get some vitals taken...BP was fine, height had not changed, and weight was 118.6 -- sounded about right! I then waited some more, finally finished filling out the paperwork, and was brought in to talk to some coordinator for support groups and such. I liked that they had specialized groups for Young Women with Breast Cancer because I had been having a hard time finding that through Mt. Auburn -- DF sees many more people, so I guess I'm not surprised that they'd have a bigger group. I was then led into an examination room and left to wait again.
Ok, so don't get me wrong, the doctor was very nice and gentle and explained everything really well. Her thoughts on the treatment weren't really any different from the oncologist's at Mt. Auburn -- the only difference was that she said it 'could be done every 3 weeks instead of every 2' and that I didn't need to 'start within 6 weeks of the surgery date but could start within 12 and it would be ok'. Other than that, it was the same. There was one clinical trial that could have worked, but she said that since my prognosis was 'really very good' that the clinical trial really wasn't necessary since it was geared to people who had more aggressive issues than mine.
The issue I had, besides the waiting, was that I felt like I was just a number. They see SO many people and the waiting room was SO crowded...and at Mt. Auburn, people recognize me, they know my name, they know my concerns and they spend a lot of time with me explaining things or answering my questions. I really do like that. I don't want to be 'just another person'.
So, because I was left waiting so long, I barely had enough time to grab lunch before going to my second appointment, this time with the Radiation Oncologist back at Mt. Auburn. First of all, they were so friendly! The head R.N. who took down my history and such was great -- she was thorough and friendly and truly seemed concerned and interested in getting everything. Then the Rad. Oncologist came in and she reminded me of Holly! She had so much energy and was so upbeat! She suggested having the radiation first (and I get tattoos! Granted, they're tiny and look like faded freckles...no big, fancy things, I suppose) and then doing the chemotherapy since I had the opera so soon. We went to talk with the Med. Oncologist who really didn't advocate the idea. Drats.
So, as I went to get my oil changed (and transmission fluid and power steering fluid) in my car, I played with my calendar. I still need to talk to the oncologist to see if this is possible, but if I'm thinking about starting on Wednesday, Jan 20th, hopefully around noonish. I do have rehearsal that night, but I'm told that I should feel fine that evening -- if I'm going to have any side effects, it'll be the next couple of days afterwards. However, I don't have huge commitments on the Thursday and Friday afterwards so I can recover, if needed, then before the next rehearsal on Saturday.
The next treatment would then be Wednesday, February 3rd. The one after that, however, would switch, if they will let me, to Monday, February 15th which is between performances and would give me Tuesday and Wednesday to rest up before Thursday's performance. The final for this first round would be Monday, March 1st, giving me plenty of time to rest up for my Birthday on the 6th before the next round begins.
I am told that the first round of Adriamycin and Cytoxin are the worse of the two rounds, but I'm going to insist that my body can handle it well. I refuse to let it do anything less. Also, as T noted when we talked on the phone, my 'taking it easy' is pretty much most people's 'normal' as I'm always on the go! It's true :). The second round (Taxol and Herceptin) usually has (possibly) only some body aches (flu-like symptoms) for a day and maybe some temporary neuropathy in my fingers and toes (tingling). I can deal with that. Sadly, however, it will get rid of the rest of my body hair. I guess I won't mind not having to wax or shave for a little while, but I do like my eyelashes and eyebrows :(.
So. Now I'm waiting to talk to the Oncologist to see if this will all work. Then I will call the salon and make an appointment to get my hair chopped off. I will also call the dentist and see if they can expedite a root canal/crown before the 20th. I will then see about ordering the wig. I decided that I wanted a longer one since I will have at least a year of short hair. I also need to get started on knitting some of those hats -- I've been working on my mom's mittens, but it's kind of slow going. I may be able to put some real time into them later this week/this weekend as I don't think I'll have much downtime at rehearsal.
I will also be telling the director tonight. I have a really big fear that he'll replace me, but I'm hoping that he'll be as awesome as the Scarlet Pimpernel director was about it (you know who you are! It was such a relief!!!). I want to warn him that yes, at some point in the near future, I will have very short hair and that I will get a wig if it is necessary (I found some nice-looking period ones on Ebay and can make a trip to Dorothy's if needed).
There may be a plan in place. I'm not looking forward to it, but at least there will be a schedule.
On another note, I don't think Maggie is doing too well. She's started some weird, very infrequent wheezing which is much like when she is going to cough up a hairball. It could be just that (she seems otherwise fine) as I've let her groom herself a little more than I had in a long time, or it could be one of the warning signs I've been told to watch for. Poor baby :(. I hope it's the former.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Just a reminder...
PLEASE don't discuss the contents of this blog with ANYONE without checking with me first!
I've had word that it was being discussed with other people -- and people are really blowing things way out of proportion.
The prognosis is good. The prognosis is VERY good. I'm pissed off that I'll have to go through this, but while there is no guarantee that it won't ever come back, the chance is very low.
So please, no one make out like I'm some helpless schmuck on a Lifetime movie. I'm not. I'm pissed...I'm going to fight...and I know that I'll be fine. They caught things as early as they possibly could and as of December 11th, there is NO TRACE of any more cancer in my body! They removed it. They're doing the treatments so it won't come back.
So please, please, PLEASE don't blow this out of proportion and PLEASE don't be shouting it from the rooftops. You all are invited onto this blog because I trust you all not to say anything to anyone. Talk with each other if you need to talk...or talk to me. I don't need it spread around...nor do I want to get other people worried.
Seriously. I don't want this turning into gossip or people getting unnecessarily worried. I don't want to have to remove anyone from the blog, but if I must, I will.
I've had word that it was being discussed with other people -- and people are really blowing things way out of proportion.
The prognosis is good. The prognosis is VERY good. I'm pissed off that I'll have to go through this, but while there is no guarantee that it won't ever come back, the chance is very low.
So please, no one make out like I'm some helpless schmuck on a Lifetime movie. I'm not. I'm pissed...I'm going to fight...and I know that I'll be fine. They caught things as early as they possibly could and as of December 11th, there is NO TRACE of any more cancer in my body! They removed it. They're doing the treatments so it won't come back.
So please, please, PLEASE don't blow this out of proportion and PLEASE don't be shouting it from the rooftops. You all are invited onto this blog because I trust you all not to say anything to anyone. Talk with each other if you need to talk...or talk to me. I don't need it spread around...nor do I want to get other people worried.
Seriously. I don't want this turning into gossip or people getting unnecessarily worried. I don't want to have to remove anyone from the blog, but if I must, I will.
Friday, January 1, 2010
For those of you who don't know about 'Duffy'.
Apparently when I was really little, I used to call myself 'Duffy' as I guess I couldn't say 'Stephie'. My mom always hoped that the nickname would stick, but it never did.
As I calm down a bit and let things settle, I realize that the greatest fears I have, aside from the vanity aspect, is the fatigue/nausea that wouldn't allow me to do what I want. Now, on the positive, I usually don't get fatigued normally and I'm sure that my schedule can be worked so that I can have the energy I need for what I choose to do. I also don't get nauseous. Heck, I ride loop-de-loop rollercoasters and don't get nauseous (although I think I came close on the Manta at Sea World. I think that was mostly because of the pressure of the harnesses though and going head-first through that thing). I read in the car, I knit in the car, I love twirly rides...so again, maybe it'll be ok.
It all comes down to everything not letting me live my life. I know that the doctors are giving me 'worst case scenarios' and that it doesn't apply to everyone.
Also...gaah, each treatment is going to take about 4 hours to administer? Holy boredom, Batman! I guess they're prepared for people to watch movies and stuff there...I do still have my 'Robin of Sherwood' series to get through as well as the entire 'Monty Python's Flying Circus'. Since I'm going to have a port, my hands should be free for knitting. I'll also have music to learn.
The 'eating well' part may be a little hard, as will the exercising part, but it's just something I'm going to have to do.
Ok...holy crap, the Village Cafe in Richmond, VA is being featured on 'Drive-ins, Diners, and Dives'. I wonder if I've been there? My mom and I did go to Kelly's Diner here in Somerville that was also featured on the show, but we were unimpressed. Sound Bytes was much better!
As far as wigs are concerned, I think I'm going to want to go longer rather than shorter. I will have maybe 7 months without much hair...and then much longer for the hair to grow back from being short. If possible, I think I want longer than shoulder length since if it's that when it's straight, it'll be much shorter when I curl it. I'll have plenty of time to get used to short hair again and if it's like last time, I'll want the length back again.
As I calm down a bit and let things settle, I realize that the greatest fears I have, aside from the vanity aspect, is the fatigue/nausea that wouldn't allow me to do what I want. Now, on the positive, I usually don't get fatigued normally and I'm sure that my schedule can be worked so that I can have the energy I need for what I choose to do. I also don't get nauseous. Heck, I ride loop-de-loop rollercoasters and don't get nauseous (although I think I came close on the Manta at Sea World. I think that was mostly because of the pressure of the harnesses though and going head-first through that thing). I read in the car, I knit in the car, I love twirly rides...so again, maybe it'll be ok.
It all comes down to everything not letting me live my life. I know that the doctors are giving me 'worst case scenarios' and that it doesn't apply to everyone.
Also...gaah, each treatment is going to take about 4 hours to administer? Holy boredom, Batman! I guess they're prepared for people to watch movies and stuff there...I do still have my 'Robin of Sherwood' series to get through as well as the entire 'Monty Python's Flying Circus'. Since I'm going to have a port, my hands should be free for knitting. I'll also have music to learn.
The 'eating well' part may be a little hard, as will the exercising part, but it's just something I'm going to have to do.
Ok...holy crap, the Village Cafe in Richmond, VA is being featured on 'Drive-ins, Diners, and Dives'. I wonder if I've been there? My mom and I did go to Kelly's Diner here in Somerville that was also featured on the show, but we were unimpressed. Sound Bytes was much better!
As far as wigs are concerned, I think I'm going to want to go longer rather than shorter. I will have maybe 7 months without much hair...and then much longer for the hair to grow back from being short. If possible, I think I want longer than shoulder length since if it's that when it's straight, it'll be much shorter when I curl it. I'll have plenty of time to get used to short hair again and if it's like last time, I'll want the length back again.
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