I guess it was time...

...My hair started coming out in the shower.

I'm not happy about that even though I knew that it was inevitable. I'm feeling very down about myself right now -- my breasts are now a different size (one is a cup bigger than the other), I'm scarred, and I will soon be hairless. It's not a good recipe to make me feel in the least little bit attractive.

But I still had rehearsal today where we ran recits...which was a big help. I am VERY frustrated that my usual strong memorization skills are failing me. I should have this show fully memorized by now but I find I have to review every single night or it won't really stick. I HATE that! I hate that my memory isn't what it should be. I know that there is an actual physiological reason but I still don't want to accept it nor do I have to like it.

I wore the red wig today and got compliments on it, but because my head is so little I had to adjust the size and tie knots...which then dug into my head. I'll just have to stitch it together to keep it smaller, I guess. I may wear the pretty wig tomorrow -- when I came home, I put on a scarf. I don't even want to see my hair falling out. I don't know when or if I'll shave it -- I will probably wait until after the show unless it looks truly horrible. I guess, if worse comes to worse, I can style my good wig, but I'm hoping that somehow I can figure out the other wig. I should go look at it and see about making it smaller.

Jack is still kind of whiny and clingy...I think he's pretty lonely. I looked on Petfinder and found some potentials, but I will probably contact the ladies who run the Karma shelter and mention the kind of cat I'm looking for. I don't know that I'm ready for another just yet, but I think Jack may be ready before I am and that's ok.

So, yeah. So far, I was doing ok...I guess now that things are really starting to show, it's hitting more and more what I'm going through -- and what I will be going through for the next three months. I've gotten many compliments though and I'm trying to hold onto those -- I guess I feel like I'm failing myself but it's not showing on the outside and that's important to me. I refuse to get fatigued and I refuse to succumb to the fatigue. If it means that I go to sleep before midnight, so be it.