It still doesn't really seem real.

I have the port. I already had one treatment. I guess it just doesn't really seem to be REAL yet because thus far, all of the side-effects have been internal. I'm really getting more and more nervous about the whole 'losing my hair' aspect of this which will probably be starting within the next week or so. I think I'm also getting more and more anxious for this second treatment. I really hope that it won't be any worse than the first...in fact, I hope that it's better because I know more what to do now.

Today was a nice day...and I admit, I did partake in some retail therapy. I got some delicious cranberry orange bread and then went to a cupcake unveiling in Davis Square for a friend of mine who won a cupcake contest...they weren't too bad! I think I wanted more Nutella flavor in them though. In the shop where the unveiling was held, I actually found a stuffed aardvark toy so it HAD to come home with me!

(For those of you who do not know, I collect aardvarks. I have...4 stuffed aardvarks now, a few pieces of aardvark jewelry, but I'm always on the lookout for anything aardvark...that is not 'Arthur the Aardvark'.)

I then went to my voice lesson where I told the teacher what was going on. He said that he loved how I wasn't letting it get me down and that I sounded (vocally) fantastic. He gave me a really cool exercise which I will be implementing in my daily warmups -- it sort of seems to balance everything out, which is helpful. We sang through a little bit of Fiordiligi and then sang through 'Or sai chi l'onore' which I brought in to work on. It's still not quite right, but it was better this time. After that, I decided I wanted to go to the Mall -- the girl who was at the desk of the music center had on some great, cigarette-tight jeans and I asked where she got them and she told me 'H & M' so I decided I needed to find them and try them on.

Not only did I get the jeans, but I got a turtleneck (in a pretty, charcoal grey), a black sweater, a pair of black tweedy houndstooth pants, and a black fedora.

I finished the hat for Judy, started blocking one of the hat pieces for the next one for me...and started a test knit for Mary's sweater! So excited! It does mean, however, that I have no real portable projects now! The hat piece might be dry tomorrow so I might be able to work more on that if I go to the gaming night (if we have it). Otherwise, I either need to make some more hats or be prepared to bring the sweater with me.

I moved my dragons (I have 7 Zugglesnooks dragons, five of whom were in my room) into the entertainment unit in the living room and put a few of my nicer knitting and art books in the case as well. I still have an empty cubby, but I might bring some pieces from my too-high 'nice stuff' cabinet in my room to live there.

So, either the Prevacid is working or today was a good 'coughing' day...I still coughed some, but not as much as I had been. Tomorrow I'm seeing the ENT so I'll ask him what I can do to deal with this more aggressively right now. Also, in the morning, I'm going to a 'Look Good, Feel Better' session at the hospital. A stylist comes in and talks to people about how to look good despite going through the chemo and wearing wigs/scarves/etc. I was told to bring in my big, bushy, theatre wig and maybe the stylist can help me tame it. I'm sure I'll write more/post pictures tomorrow or so.

Countdown to Chemo #2

That will be next Wednesday and Angeliki and maybe Rebecca will be joining me. I will be teaching them to knit hats...at least, that's the plan! I need to make sure that I have stuff for the next few days, but I have the anti-nausea pills, broth from the first time, saltines, and a couple of bottles of Izze's Ginger Ale (I think) so I might be ok. I'm hoping that if anything, it will be a repeat of the last time without dealing with the surgery and having to go back to the hospital again that Friday. I'm not looking forward to the ache from the Nulasta shot, but I do have it to give to myself (or for Beth to help give it to me the next day!).

I know not to do too much on the Saturday after -- I'm meeting someone for some light yarn shopping and then I have rehearsal, but that's it! No trek to IKEA and no quest for furniture all over Boston! I will also have rehearsal on Sunday, but if I'm feeling shaky, people from the cast have agreed to drive me to and from and worse comes to worse, I sit and sing. I'm hoping that if I take it much easier on Saturday, I won't have that Sunday shakiness. I guess my hair should start falling out in the next week or so...I'm not really looking forward to that.

Today was rehearsal, some shopping, and then dinner with Dan and Terri. I had a lovely time! I did decide to come home and just relax as, well, I'm kind of tired! I do get to sleep in some more tomorrow before making a quick run to KickAss Cupcakes for a cupcake unveiling and then a voice lesson.

I'm hoping that this Wednesday is a bit easier -- again, no port insertion (it's feeling better *knock wood* by the way) and I should have more time at home to rest before going to rehearsal. I still have memorization to do, but I worked on it some more today and will also sit with score in hand tomorrow (Sunday) for a bit. At least, that's the plan.

I picked up Maggie's box today -- they put the ashes in a lovely, sealed, wood box with a plaque. She's now on the shelf next to Beau. Jack spent a good deal of the evening on my lap (!!!) and is currently sitting next to me on the sofa. Sad kitty :(.

That's pretty much all in my stream of consciousness right now. I decided to finally start knitting a hat for a friend's mom who has been battling this for a few years now...I finished a hat for myself last night and thought it was so cute and such a quick knit, she needed one too.

I don't know if the convenience is worth it...

The port still hurts.

Ok, yesterday it was still hurting. Today it's a little better -- still tender, and still very ugly, I went out and bought some turtle-necky tops and such so that one can't see it! It's going to suck in the summer...and with the shows that I'm doing, I'll have to cover it with a band-aid or something. Granted, it's still bruised, which is also pissing me off but I know that I won't be healing as fast as I did before...at least not for a while. I also have to remind myself that it was SURGERY and it was just LAST WEEK! It's just really frustrating because it still feels really tight and whenever the slightest whisper of pressure is placed on the port, I feel it and it's really uncomfortable.

I still have the cough, which is bugging me to no end. I called the ENT and called the oncologist -- the latter said it was ok for me to get an inhaler to get rid of this, if it is indeed the 'Reactive Airways Syndrome' acting up again, which it does feel like. Unfortunately though, the ENT can't see me until Monday afternoon. At least I can get in a couple of puffs before chemo again next week! Hopefully, that's all it will take! I will also ask the ENT about taking anything more for the reflux since the chemo is exacerbating it. I've been taking Zantac for the last few days and it's helped, but he might have other ideas.

I found a masseuse that might have some time...although the dates she mentioned next week wouldn't work. The price seemed comparable and she was recommended by the social worker at the hospital, so I'm game!

Life without Maggie is different -- I can't tell yet if Jack likes being the only cat or not. I don't know if even he knows yet. When I'm home, he cries a lot but he also crawled in my lap three times last night. I think he was also in bed with me for most of the night, granted, it was very cold!

I did get together the stuff I wanted so I could make Maggie's Memorial Shadow Box. The vet had this and I thought it was a really lovely thing! It's a shadowbox frame...divided for two slots, and in one is a picture of the cat, and in the other was the cat's collar. Since Maggie had a lovely collar, I thought it would be a great thing to do! I tried finding what I wanted at Target and The Christmas Tree Shop, but ended up finding the right frame at AC Moore. I bought it, bought some mattes since my photo was a little smaller, bought some velvet and some quilting pins and took off to go home. It took a little bit to get it together the way I wanted, but once it was, oh, it's PERFECT! I got a picture of her that, while it's not the best quality up close, when you look at it from just a foot or two away, it's just fine -- it just has the perfect look and it looks so lovely! I'm really very pleased with it! I'm going to try and put one together for Beau as well if I can find a picture that works. I may even still have his food dish which I would use since he didn't have a collar.

I did realize that since I'm going about with the short hair, when I put the wig on, people are going to question. I guess it won't be too much of a secret then. Oh well. I already told a couple of other people who I don't mind knowing, but I'm sure it'll get around work before too long. A lot of people seem to think that I should consider this as a permanent look. I'll have to see how I feel in a few months :).

ETA: Good news! The genetic test results are in -- it's all negative!! It doesn't explain why I'm going through what I am, but it means that I don't have the genetic mutation that could indicate a greater chance of recurrence of this, or the occurance of ovarian cancer. So this is a good thing!

This post is in memory of Maggie...

...who gave me 12 1/2 wonderful years. She really was one of the sweetest, most gentle cats in the world and while I wish I had more time to spend with her, I know that she's happy and healthy once again and playing with her brother, Beau, in Kitty Heaven.

Hooray for homeopathy!

So, I've been having post-nasal drip and a sore throat for a couple of days now so I called the oncologist to ask what I could take for it. Usually, I would go all homeopathic, but she told me not to...so I have no idea what I should be doing instead!

The receptionist paged my doctor and the doc said that since all of the stuff should be out of my system by now, I can take the homeopathic remedies!

Honey Loquat Syrup, here I come!!

I still think that it's from an allergic reaction, but yay! At least I can take stuff I know now!

I'm still feeling a little winded, which is a very odd sensation. I'm hoping that when the stitches come out of my neck tomorrow, I'll feel less tension there because it's not helping in getting good, deep breaths.

On a different note, I did find pictures of some of the stuff I bought at IKEA -- I still need to get a pic of the entertainment unit, but I can do that at home. Everything else is covered by a blanket, but here are some of the pieces:


Side table #1



Side table #2



Side table #3



Sofa!



Chair

The 'How I feel' progression so far:

Day of Chemo: Hard to say this first time since I had the surgery. However, very tired by the end of the day.

Day 2: Not too bad.

Day 3: Nauseous in the morning, by late afternoon/evening, ok

Day 4: Pretty fine

Day 5: Exhausted, lightheaded, and shaky

Day 6: Hard to tell thus far as I'm still very tired from being up early. Also, I feel like my breath is very high -- this is in part, I think, to the dust kicked up yesterday as well as the massive amount of tension I have in both shoulders.
(ETA: Oooh...found a local massage place that has oncology massages! I may need to schedule one since I think the tension in my shoulders isn't helping my posture any...which isn't helping my breath any.)

More ETA: Phew! Came home and took about a 4 hour nap or so. I ate dinner of some chicken fingers and then took out all the trash/recycling from yesterday. I'm kind of wiped and I don't like that feeling! Keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow will be better! It doesn't help that my throat is a little raw and I seem to have a slight cough (I think from the dust. At least, I hope!).

I wonder if this is a side effect or if I over-did it yesterday?

I've been lightheaded and shaky all day. I ate...Ed came over and he and my mom basically put together my new living room, but I just sat there on the couch, exhausted. It sucks...I hope I feel better tomorrow! I really don't like feeling like this at all.